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 Under Secretary for Management > Bureau of Human Resources > Family Liaison Office (FLO) > Education and Youth > Parent Advocacy: Talking with School Personnel > How Boarding Schools Can Assist Foreign Service Students

How Boarding Schools Can Assist Foreign Service Students

For the Foreign Service child, the move back to the United States after a life overseas can be difficult. Boarding schools that are sensitive to the unique needs of the Foreign Service child are able to make the difference between a successful or difficult reintegration into American life. The Family Liaison Office (FLO) has compiled this list of issues Foreign Service children may face upon return to the United States, accompanied by suggestions for dealing with these issues.

Challenges for the Foreign Service Child Attending Boarding School Away From Home

  • Reentry to the United States
  • Guidance/College Counseling
  • Logistics of Being Far Away from Home

Many Foreign Service families will agree that often the most difficult move that kids make is the return back to the United States. The Family Liaison Office's publication, According to My Passport, I'm Coming Home, shares the experiences of the Foreign Service child's reaction to reverse culture shock, huge schools, established cliques, a peer culture difficult to penetrate, and the feeling that they are somehow different from everyone else in their home country.

Perhaps the most effective way to describe what it's like to return home is to hear what Foreign Service kids have to say about their experience. The following quotes have been taken from essays written by teens for the Foreign Service Youth Foundation.

Reentry to the United States

"Overseas you expect to feel like a foreigner, but it's surprising to come back and feel like one at 'home'. That in itself is possibly the most disconcerting thought of all."

  • Sense of Loss 
    "The fact that I had only a few hours left to enjoy the company of my friends in Hong Kong deeply depressed me. It was as if I only had a few hours to live and I had to cram in all the things I wanted to do before I died."
  • Peer Acceptance
    "And, while I've met quite a few outgoing people, not everybody is able to just show up at their club of choice and presto change-o suddenly be everybody's best friend."
  • Does the Foreign Service Child Feel at Home Back in the U.S.A.?
    "...your expectations are different when you move to the place that all your life you've called home. You expect to be accepted. Secondly, most Americans have never lived overseas, so, unlike at other posts, you won't have a common past to bind you to those already there."
  • Reverse Culture Shock
    "Imagine my surprise when I was judged according to my clothes; when girls at twelve had already been dating for years; girls at fifteen had two kids and weren't even married; people got up at 5:30 in order to be properly made up for work at eight, everyone was obsessed with suing or blaming it on someone else; people who played games all day got paid more than people who saved lives..."

Suggestions for Easing the Reentry Transition - For Adult Staff at a Boarding School and Peers

  • For adult staff, get to know the student soon after arrival
  • Be aware of what the student is experiencing regarding repatriation, in addition to leaving home
  • Give the student opportunities to share thoughts, impressions, and feelings during this time - they need to be validated to realize that other people have had similar reactions. When students experience repatriation in isolation, they can feel unnecessarily "weird" or different.
  • Make sure the child feels welcome in class and at school
  • Take extra care to match-up a supportive roommate and house adult
  • Assign a buddy and/or mentor
  • Assign an "Adoptive" family
  • Invite student to share international experiences with a group of peers, either in the dorm, classroom, and/or school meeting.
  • An advisory group or other adult assigned to student should meet regularly to "check the pulse" and to foster strong, supportive relationship with student
  • Alert teachers to be aware of possible behaviors associated with stress in the classroom
  • Frequent communication between guidance counselor, teachers, students, and parents
  • Try to match other international students with TCKs, either formally or informally
  • Don't assume children automatically know how to do ordinary things just because they are Americans.
  • Encourage students to get involved in the life of the school as quickly as possible - being engaged in their new environment and making new friends will go a long way towards easing the readjustment process
  • Be flexible and accommodating.

Guidance / College Counseling

Out of the Box... "I wasn't sure which category I fit in. I'd been to 3 high schools in 3 countries, and was graduating from the stateside school. But would the college know that about me?"

The Need for an Advocate
"I transferred to boarding school my junior year, but didn't take AP classes right away because I had my plate full with all the other issues I had to deal with by moving so far away from my family, reentry into the U.S., and increased academic challenges."

Suggestions for Academic and College Counselors as Advocate

  • Monitor the student's academic load in combination with other issues they might be dealing with
  • Urge students to write about Foreign Service experiences for college essays as life changing events, not just travelogues
  • If necessary, write letters or make phone calls during admissions process to colleges to clarify any extenuating circumstances
  • Explore the student's background as a TCK when discussing the right fit for colleges

Logistical Challenges of Foreign Service and Other International Students

Note: These suggestions are culled from examples of some of the positive things boarding schools are already doing to accommodate a diverse student population. They are suggestions that apply to various segments of the school community.

Communications:  Reach Out and Touch Someone - Easier Said than Done!

  • Time zone differences can make it quite difficult to find mutually convenient times to call
  • Censured communications are a way of life in many countries, including the phones used by official Americans
  • Telecommunication difficulties with phones, faxes, email around the world often mean that it is difficult to get a line or reliable connections
  • Need for time and place for private conversations
  • Cell phones can often help resolve some of these communication issues
  • Parents and school can stay in touch electronically as well as by phone
  • Establish a system for regular communication between parents and advisor
  • Send school newsletter to parents (newsletters are valued by parents as a way of knowing what's going on beyond what the student reports)
  • Online grade tracking systems are perfect for long distance parents
  • Make sure that contact lists for phone and emails of staff members is up-to-date, easy to use and accessible
  • Parents want to know what's going on sooner rather than later, especially when a problem arises

School Breaks

Traveling home for Foreign Service students means complying with the "Fly America" Act. Students traveling on a US government funded ticket must fly an American carrier and their code share partners as far as possible. Some airlines have only limited flight schedules into some of the more remote areas of the world. Flexibility with student schedules to comply with the "Fly America" requirements is greatly appreciated

  • Students will need assistance getting to / from airport
  • School calendars with long breaks allow kids more opportunity to actually get home
  • Long weekends can be anxiety-provoking occasions for the student and the parent if the student has nowhere to go. Parents may start thinking about this far in advance of the actual date.
  • "Adoptive" families can help with long weekends.

Getting "Stuff" Done

  • Assistance for students to see doctors and dentists is important, especially since going "home" may mean going back to less desirable medical and dental care
  • Students experiencing cultural adjustments, college decision-making, adolescent pressures, and other issues may benefit from counseling. If the school does not provide services, the school should assure that students will have access to the counseling services needed.
  • Shopping for necessities is important for students who live in countries with a limited consumer economy
  • Participation in worship services is very important to some students and families

Moving In/Out

  • Students may need help with storage and getting personal effects into storage since taking it "home" may be prohibitively expensive, time-consuming, and logistically difficult
  • Make packing materials available
  • Have as much flexibility as possible with moving in and out dates

International Crisis

  • News headlines can be personal since the student may know the people and places
  • Schools need to recognize signs of stress in students and be aware of students whose families might be serving in troubled or high threat posts
  • Be ready and available to offer extra support to students worried about family and friends
  • Some signs of stress in adolescents may include inability to focus in class, more frequent episodes of moodiness, anxiety or depression, withdrawal, disciplinary problems, trouble with decision making, changes in grades or study habits, and on rare occasion, self-destructive behavior.

Where to Get More Information on Foreign Service Youth and Third Culture Kids

FLO Weblinks for Parent Advocacy: Talking with School Personnel

Information provided by the Family Liaison Office
Contact the Family Liaison Office

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