To Date or Not to Date A Foreigner

Posted by Michelle Ross on 06/23/2007

After seeing Justin off in Xi'An, life has settled down for Thad and me. We loved having Justin come to visit; it was a shot in the arm for both us as we head into the last months of the school year. (Yes, I said months. We don't get done until July!) On July 1 we will celebrate our "One-Year-In-China" anniversary (is that the rice anniversary?), so having a visitor from home gave us something to look forward to in the months leading up until he came and something new to talk about for the rest of the term.

This last weekend we took advantage of being home to clean, which hasn't been done in a long time. We did several loads of laundry. The nice thing is, now that it is getting warm outside (upper 80's), the clothes dry so much faster than they did during the winter. Now I hang my jeans up in the morning and they are dry in the afternoon. Last winter, if I didn't drape them over the radiator, I would hang them up on Saturday and on Thursday the seams would still be damp. And we all know that no one likes damp jeans, especially in the winter! I did dishes in my tiny kitchen sink that has a drizzle of hot water while Thad swept and mopped the house. It took us awhile to get the house cleaned up, but it is nice to have it back in presentable order. :)

Last week I had a great lesson in class. The students and I talked about interracial dating in China. I told them about a friend who is dating a Chinese woman and how her family is not very open to the idea. Then, I had them get in small groups to discuss why her parents might be concerned about such an arrangement. (Their ideas included worries over their daughter moving far away, huge differences in culture and language barriers. All of which are valid concerns.) We also talked about how their families would react if they brought home a foreign boy/girlfriend. Many students say their parents would be turned off by the idea at first, but over time they could be persuaded to accept the foreigner into the family.

I thought that it was interesting that when I said "foreigner," they automatically assumed I meant "Westerner." This point of view changed rapidly when I asked about foreigners that were not the stereotypical Caucasian-Westerner. When I suggested that the foreigner they wanted their parents to meet was Japanese, uproar ensued. There are still VERY strong feelings against Japan in China. There were atrocities committed in the past that many people have not moved beyond still. I used this topic as a springboard into a discussion about how students in both countries had a lot in common and the need to look at people as individuals and not judge them by what their past leaders (or even current leaders for that matter) have done.

I don't know that I changed any minds when it came to acceptance of foreigners, but I do know that for at least an hour, they were thinking about things through a different lens and considering what would happen if they befriended someone outside of their own culture. Changes happen in small increments, so at least we have taken the first tiny step.

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This webpage expresses the views of Michelle Ross. It does not express the views of the United States Peace Corps.

Last updated Sep 29 2008