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Am speaking at Mom 2.0 in February. My uterus has like 40,000 followers -- you should see those walls. Ba-dum-ching. about 21 hours ago from web |
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Cleaning out the closets, we've found 12 umbrellas. So far. 11:02 AM Jan 25th from web |
You're gonna take the last fudgesicle _and_ leave the box in the freezer as a decoy? Why not reseal it and fill it with rocks too? 3:41 PM Jan 23rd from web |
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Wishing I were part of a large crowd, dancing on a rooftop, slugging from an open bottle of champagne. Hey. What are you guys doing tonight? 10:58 AM Jan 20th from web |
Labcorp sounds like such an Orwellian place to have blood drawn. Like the government now has a photo of me and my DNA sequencing on file. 2:54 PM Jan 19th from web |
djordanferney Welcome home! Can't wait to see you guys skulking around the office. 10:50 AM Jan 19th from web |
Bonus points if either person in the photo is holding a balloon. 8:38 AM Jan 18th from web |
Portraits where the couple is standing three feet apart, holding hands, staring blankly at the camera are the new mustaches. 8:37 AM Jan 18th from web |
I'vereintroducedcaffieneintomysystemandmybrainfeelslikethis. 2:33 PM Jan 16th from web |
Watching the jasmine tea pearls unfurl in a cup of hot water. Feel like I should go build a rock garden or something. 11:20 AM Jan 16th from web |
Allergy tests came back negative. All of them. Am going to swim naked in a vat of coffee. 1:11 PM Jan 13th from txt |
Remembering Argentine waiter balancing a tray in one hand, and twisting a bottle open with the crook of his knee. Feeling unaccomplished. 5:25 PM Jan 11th from web |
Lost luggage, theft, Bryan ill, house rental mixup, Hank's eye infection, stove/shower malfunction, sore throat for me. Up yours, "vacation" 12:56 AM Jan 9th from web |
Hang gliding rental place called Die Trying. Extreme truth in advertising, 10:34 AM Jan 2nd from txt |
Stealing Wifi from a mega luxury hotel. Sitting alone at poolside with hundreds of empty lounge chairs, thinking post apocalyptic thoughts. 9:39 PM Jan 1st from web |
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