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I'm eating a hamburger in a hotel room in the Tenderloin! This is not how I expected my evening to go! |
Things that Donna has asked me the definition of thus far this morning: "shazbot" and "rat pancake." |
Morning surprise 1: driving Nic around to look for his car. Morning surprise 2: bringing Nic to the police impound lot to look for his car. |
Hey, delivery guy! Yelling my roommate's name into the intercom repeatedly is NOT a good way of getting me to buzz you into the building! |
HAPPY THANKSGIVING FUCK YEH |
Phone autocorrected "broccoli rabe" to "broccoli rave." So, my Thanksgiving sides are going to be interesting... PLUR! |
Apparently I no longer know how to chop vegetables? I might as well cut off a finger now to prevent it happening by accident later. |
I am NOT sharing the road with the asshole on the skateboard wearing a pink dress shirt. Not not not! FUCKING DIVISADERO |
Company dog peed on me by way of greeting. Another wonderful day at STUB CORP. |
Spearment Stride gum: Tastes like the marshmallows from Lucky Charms and farts. My oral fixation is not my friend today. |
Periodicals: NYT and New Yorker stay. Bye bye, Esquire. Hello, Atlantic Monthly. Fuck you, Harper's. I decided all this under anesthesia! |
My prep work is done: Six bottles Gatorade, two liters Smart Water, three rolls toilet paper. Time to go to the bathroom! |
Day five of Grandmother's most recent hospital visit. I am waaaaay too familiar with John Muir's layout. |
Too stupid to live: When the burrito lady gave me my change after I paid, I loudly blurted out "HELLO" instead of "Thank you." |
Walked past a guy carrying flowers and a gas can. I guess it's always good to have a Plan B. |
"Coma Naprosil: May cause dizziness, sexual nightmares, and sleep crime." |
Heading to my father's birthday dinner. Don't wait up, INTERNET. |
Every time I go to an O'Reilly event, I get put to work. Blergh. |
Ah, fuck it. If that's is the way it's gonna be, I'd rather just vote for banning ALL marriage until we get it right. NO CAKE FOR ANYONE. |
EVERYONE IS HAPPY AND LOUD |
