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@dmoren It was exactly like those carnival games where you have to hit a clown on the nose with a water pistol to inflate a balloon. |
Today at the gym, from about 20 feet away, I sprayed a man in the face with some industrial cleanser. So now I have to find a new gym. |
I saw "RIP Updike" and I thought, "Monteiro, this time you've gone too far!" But it was a Coudal tweet and it's real and I'm sad. |
Jonas and I were conspiring how to get food without leaving the house: "Let's send Daddy. He's got no brains." Even I thought it was harsh. |
The man with thousands of dollars in cameras, pens, apps, and cables is going to give me shit about how much toilet paper I use? SERIOUSLY? |
@juliebcreative I actually have it as a tattoo. |
@juliebcreative I think you're the first person to ever notice what it was. I don't think Tom Petty is big on Twitter. |
Getting a child into school is both soul-sucking and gut-wrenching. And I should know, because I've been to law school. |
If I have learned one thing from the Eagles game, it's that I should be drinking for the Steelers game. |
I'm glad I wasn't watching The Shining exactly 5 years ago, or this kid would be Scatman Gruber. |
Me: "Since it's your birthday, you can get a soda." Jonas: "I AM GOING TO DRINK THE CRAP OUT OF THAT SODA!" Awesome. |
You know how you spell in front of kids so they don't know what you're saying? Well, it also works on my husband. Cannot spell on the fly. |
John is trying to convince Jonas that a piñata would be just as fun filled with Japanese pens, Field Notes, and paperclips. |
@kellydeal Are you serious? That's weird. |
@iacas I'd love to see a PA Super Bowl. But it would really be gut-wrenching for me. |
Well, now I miss Pittsburgh. |
@tj You should also go to Primanti's. I can't recommend any fine dining because I was broke when I lived in Pittsburgh. |
@tj Go to the O in Oakland. You might get shot, but the fries would be worth it. Be warned: we didn't call it the "Dirty O" for nothing. |
Eagles fans at Best Buy: We're all excited, but let's hold off on buying the giant TVs for one more week. |
Ann Coulter has done an amazing job of making very stupid people believe that their hatred is a valid political stance. |
