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AmyJane

@dmoren It was exactly like those carnival games where you have to hit a clown on the nose with a water pistol to inflate a balloon.
Today at the gym, from about 20 feet away, I sprayed a man in the face with some industrial cleanser. So now I have to find a new gym.
I saw "RIP Updike" and I thought, "Monteiro, this time you've gone too far!" But it was a Coudal tweet and it's real and I'm sad.
Jonas and I were conspiring how to get food without leaving the house: "Let's send Daddy. He's got no brains." Even I thought it was harsh.
The man with thousands of dollars in cameras, pens, apps, and cables is going to give me shit about how much toilet paper I use? SERIOUSLY?
@juliebcreative I actually have it as a tattoo.
@juliebcreative I think you're the first person to ever notice what it was. I don't think Tom Petty is big on Twitter.
Getting a child into school is both soul-sucking and gut-wrenching. And I should know, because I've been to law school.
If I have learned one thing from the Eagles game, it's that I should be drinking for the Steelers game.
I'm glad I wasn't watching The Shining exactly 5 years ago, or this kid would be Scatman Gruber.
Me: "Since it's your birthday, you can get a soda." Jonas: "I AM GOING TO DRINK THE CRAP OUT OF THAT SODA!" Awesome.
You know how you spell in front of kids so they don't know what you're saying? Well, it also works on my husband. Cannot spell on the fly.
John is trying to convince Jonas that a piñata would be just as fun filled with Japanese pens, Field Notes, and paperclips.
@kellydeal Are you serious? That's weird.
@iacas I'd love to see a PA Super Bowl. But it would really be gut-wrenching for me.
Well, now I miss Pittsburgh.
@tj You should also go to Primanti's. I can't recommend any fine dining because I was broke when I lived in Pittsburgh.
@tj Go to the O in Oakland. You might get shot, but the fries would be worth it. Be warned: we didn't call it the "Dirty O" for nothing.
Eagles fans at Best Buy: We're all excited, but let's hold off on buying the giant TVs for one more week.
Ann Coulter has done an amazing job of making very stupid people believe that their hatred is a valid political stance.
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