Domestic Violence

 

In the mid 1990s, when I served in the the U.S. House of Representatives, I had the opportunity to partner with a local state legislator to host a federal agency training seminar on dealing with domestic violence on public lands.  Some of the agencies involved have continued that effort in the years since.  That was the beginning of my involvement in domestic violence abuse prevention, which remains a high priority for me in the U.S. Senate.  Through regular visits to Idaho shelters and briefings by local and state domestic violence abuse prevention advocates, I can remain involved and active on the federal level of this issue.  One deeply moving visit occurred in April 1998, when I visited a safe house for children in Twin Falls County.  While there, I met a couple of young children who were victims of child abuse.  Their plight and the lasting affects of abuse on their lives touched me deeply and since that time, abuse prevention has been one of the most important priorities I have in public service.

Over the years, I have been able to address the Network to End Domestic Violence (a national network of abuse prevention organizations) and the National Domestic Violence Hotline Conference several times as well as .obtain grants and funding for shelters in Idaho.  One of the most effective shelter concepts is the Family Justice Centers in Idaho; so far I have been able to assist with two such centers in Idaho with a third one in the planning stages.  A Family Justice Center bring all services for domestic violence victims under one roof—legal, education, counseling, etc.—so that victims do not encounter bureaucratic roadblocks when trying to reclaim their lives and escape the violence in their own homes.  I was honored to serve as the spokesperson for a statewide public awareness/public service announcement campaign with the Idaho Coalition on Sexual and Domestic Violence. 

 

Far too many people live in abusive relationships throughout Idaho and the rest of our country.  It is not normal to live in fear within the walls of your own home, and I would encourage those who are doing so to seek help.  The following is a list of warming signs that can help you determine if you are in an abusive relationship.

Warning signs of an abusive relationship:

• Does your partner humiliate, insult, criticize, demean or yell at you?
• Does your partner ignore or put down your thoughts, feelings or accomplishments?
• Does your partner  treat you so badly that you're embarrassed for your friends and family to see?
• Does your partner blame you for all the problems in your relationship, or for his/her own abusive behavior?
• Does your partner see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?
• Does your partner act excessively jealous and possessive?
• Does your partner control where you go or what you do?
• Does your partner keep you from seeing your friends or family?
• Does your partner check up on you all of the time to see where you are and who you are with?
• Does your partner accuse you without good reason of being unfaithful or flirting?
• Does your partner limit your access to money, the phone or the car?
• Does your partner have a bad and unpredictable temper?
• Does your partner destroy your belongings or things you value?
• Does your partner hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
• Does your partner threaten to take your children away or harm them?
• Does your partner threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
• Does your partner force you to have sex?
• Do you feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
• Do you avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
• Do you feel that you can't do anything right for your partner?
• Do you wonder if you're the one who is going crazy?
• Do you feel increasingly trapped or powerless?
• Do you feel emotionally numb or helpless?

If you are in an abusive relationship, you may feel confused, afraid, angry and/or trapped.  Taking the wrong steps could escalate the tensions and make your situation worse.  The first step toward changing things is to recognize that your situation is abusive.  Using the questions listed above can help you determine that.  It is not okay or normal for your partner, even one who says he/she cares about and love yous, to put you down, push you around, intimidate you, or do things that make you feel uncomfortable, unhappy or unsafe.  It is never appropriate for your partner to use physical violence against you or your children.  Once you have acknowledged the reality of the abusive situation, then you can get the help you need.

There are numerous local domestic violence hotlines and shelters that can help you assess your situation and determine the best way to resolve it, always keeping in mind your safety and well-being.

 

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