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nick

In this flattened Internet-based world, in which codes does one have hoes?
When "simplistic" finally means "simple," Webster's will blame the bloggers.
Retweets: You do the voodoo that I do so well.
Retweets: Your joke is now a Von Neumann probe.
Retweets: No good deed goes unpunished.
Retweeting is so bad that I hope you ban all five of your followers from doing it. (LONG LIVE THE RETWEET)
I played it safe at the lesbian free clinic, venturing only a "Good evening, ladies and germs!"
@diannedeguzman My followers are my free publicity. Each of them is so badass they equal one thousand of anyone else's followers.
HOW MANY MORE AUTHORS WILL GOOGLE HAVE TO KILL BEFORE YOU WAKE UP, SHEEPLE
Things I've Actually Done #1: Before checking results from the city clinic, set iTunes to "mood music."
@gruber I'm told they've already been introduced.
John Updike passed away. Which makes me almost as sad as his books do.
Ugh, bored. Past Me should have made a time capsule.
For those confused by the updates from @molls, she's (seriously) walking around Hollywood (honestly) dressed as a (literal) giant vagina.
No lie: iTunes Genius just graduated to Savant. It built me a playlist from "Men's Wearhouse: George Zimmer Guaranteed Booty Remix."
@fakenickdouglas Hey, sorry Twitter took down your avatar. I own all of these photos so use what you want: http://tr.im/nickflip
@TravelBug24 What, you thought you were an autonomous collective?
Reasons I'm doing real work again: 1. More Twitter followers. 2. My Wikipedia entry still redirects to Valleywag. 3. Can't afford steak.
Ugh, the Favrd Twitter account isn't linking to the site properly. Guess I'll have to type the whole--oh it autocompletes. Heh.
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