- At least once a day you get naked and do gymnastics in front
of a mirror looking for ticks.
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- You grab other people's banana peels, coffee grinds, apple
cores, etc. for your compost pile.
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- You have to wash your hair to get your fingernails clean.
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- All your neighbors come and ask you questions.
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- You know the temperature of your compost every day.
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- You spend more time volunteering than at home.
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- Your husband never knows where you may be on any given day.
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- You arrange your schedule around including your MG hours.
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- You buy a bigger truck so that you can haul more mulch.
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- You enjoy crushing Japanese beetles because you like the sound
that it makes.
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- You've given up trying to get the dirt out from underneath
your fingernails.
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- Your boss makes "taking care of the office plants" an official
part of your job description.
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- Everything you touch turns to "fertilizer".
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- Your non-gardening spouse becomes conversant in botanical names
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- You find yourself feeling leaves, flowers and trunks of trees
wherever you go, even at funerals!
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- You dumpster-dive for discarded bulbs after commercial landscapers
remove them to plant annuals
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- You plan vacation trips around the locations of botanical gardens,
arboreta, historic gardens, etc.
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- You sneak home a 7 foot Japanese Maple and wonder if your spouse
will notice
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- Your neighbors recognize you in your pajamas, rubber clogs and
a cup of coffee
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- When considering your budget, plants are more important than
groceries
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- You always carry a shovel and a plastic bag in your trunk as
emergency tools
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- You send a video to your soldier husband who had been overseas
for a year that has all your new planting beds while only briefly
scanning your 2-year old!
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- After purchasing $300 worth of plants, you enter Winn Dixie
in your check register.
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- You appreciate your Master Gardener badge more than your jewelry
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- When you talk "dirt" at baseball practice.
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- You spend more time chopping your kitchen greens for the compost
pile than for cooking
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- You like the smell of horse manure better than Estee Lauder
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