Monologue | Aired Thursday night on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC: I think I have the perfect solution to this cold. I was thinking about it today. Let’s swap countries with Mexico. Everyone who lives there moves here and vice versa. You want it so bad, you can have it.
President Bush has four days left in office, and he made his farewell address to the nation this evening. He was very gracious regarding Barack Obama. He said Obama offers hope to the nation. And I thought this was nice. He actually went shopping with Laura and personally picked out the bag he’s going to leave Obama holding.
President Bush will soon be gone from the White House, but he’s not going to fade away. He’s only 62 years old and he says there are still plenty of challenges to fail to meet, there are still goals to fall short of, and people to disappoint.
And the Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, gave his annual State of the State address this morning. And while you might think that after five years in office, he has run out of cute references to his own movies. But he most certainly has not, because he made reference to Conan’s sword in today’s speech. All that’s left is for him to tell the Board of Education about “Kindergarten Cop,” right?
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Has anyone athought of Guantanamo as the site for the George W. Bush Library?
Am I worth more as a taxpayer or as a bailouter?
With all the trading going on, Wall Street should really be named Wall Mall!
— Gil SternGeorge Bush hasn’t given up failing,
— Larry EisenbergThere are other spots all in Retailing,
A small Candy Store,
Gig he can’t ignore,
In no time he’d have it downscaling.