Forget the flowers, reception hall and wedding dress. For many brides-to-be, losing weight is the most important part of the wedding plan.
The dress can be altered to fit, but is extreme dieting a healthy strategy? (Stephanie Keith for The New York Times)More than 70 percent of brides-to-be want to lose weight before their wedding day, according to a new study from Cornell University. To reach the perfect wedding-day weight, more than one-third of them use extreme dieting tactics such as diet pills and fasting. And while most of us buy clothes that fit, about one in seven brides-to-be buys a bridal gown that is one or more dress sizes smaller than she normally wears.
“Most women engaged to be married idealize a wedding weight much lighter than their current weight,” wrote co-author Lori Neighbors, assistant professor of nutrition at the University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee. She conducted the study while a graduate student at Cornell’s College of Human Ecology.
The study, published online from a forthcoming issue of the journal Appetite, surveyed 272 engaged women. The women surveyed ranged in age from 18 to 51, although the vast majority were under the age of 30. More than half of the women were normal weight, but 24 percent were overweight and 20 percent were obese, based on standard body mass index measures. Just 2 percent fell into the underweight category.
Dr. Neighbors found that 91 percent of the women were worried about their weight, reporting that they wanted to lose weight or were actively trying to prevent weight gain. By comparison, national data show that about 62 percent of similarly aged women have the same concerns.
Among the 70 percent of women who were trying to lose weight, the average desired loss was about 21 pounds, not counting three women in the group who were trying to lose more than 100 pounds each.
One surprising finding was that more than 90 percent of brides who wanted to lose weight said they were drinking more water. Extra water consumption was also common among the women trying to maintain their weight. The study authors note that some wedding Web sites promote water as an appetite suppressant, although it wasn’t clear if the brides were drinking water to feel full, avoid eating other foods or displace higher calorie beverages.
Nearly half the brides-to-be were willing to adopt extreme dieting strategies to reach their goal weight by their wedding day. Among extreme dieters, skipping meals and taking unprescribed diet pills and supplements were reported most frequently. About 10 percent of the women used liquid diets, while a fraction of the women started smoking, took laxatives or induced vomiting in order to lose weight.
The prevalence of extreme dieting behavior among brides-to-be is important because rapid weight loss usually isn’t maintained. But the study authors note that because brides-to-be are highly motivated to lose weight, doctors should use an upcoming wedding as an opportunity to discuss more healthful weight loss and eating behaviors.
At the time of the study, the women were still about six months or more away from their big day. But the average weight loss achieved was already about eight pounds, although the numbers varied widely.
“If these losses were maintained after marriage, they would be significant weight management achievements,” the authors noted. “Given the pressures of the wedding and beginning a new life as a couple, engaged women should be encouraged to adopt and maintain a healthy lifestyle rather than striving for a fleeting number on a scale or a temporary dress size.”
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There is so much stress on women to have a ‘perfect’ wedding. We get told from the moment we’re old enough to practice holding a bouquet and walking in a straight line that the wedding day will be the best day of our lives, that we should all want a perfect princess fairytale wedding. My wedding day paled in comparison to many other days, like days when I received scholarship and college acceptance letters, the days on which my sister’s children were born, the first day I got my very own paycheck, and the day I performed my first wedding for someone else.
So, into the mix of “You must obsess about making every last little detail absolutely perfect so your mother/mother-in-law-to-be/father/friends/Aunt Matilda will think it’s good enough,” we throw, “Oh, and could you lose thirty pounds? If you’re going to spend a thousand bucks on a dress, do you really want to be fat in it?”
When my best friend got married, she planned to lose between 50 and 100 lbs. Five months before the wedding, she called me up and said, “I can’t do it. I’m stressed and angry and tired and hungry all the time. I told the caterer yesterday that everyone could eat these (expletive) carrot sticks themselves for all I care. (Fiance) proposed to a fat girlfriend; he’ll just have to love a fat bride.” She took herself off the crash diet and went back to normal food and exercise. She only lost another 5 or 10 lbs before the wedding, but judging by the awestruck expression on her groom’s face when she walked down the aisle, he loves her at any size.
Stress is a major factor in weight gain; adding weight loss to the stress of a wedding is just asking for women to take up unhealthy habits that cause short-term weight loss and subsequent regain. And if you unsustainably lose 50 pounds for your wedding to get down to that size 6, and then after the wedding your weight shoots back up, how damaging to your self-esteem and your relationship is it going to be to have that picture of you sitting above the fireplace, reminding you that you *could* look like that if you were willing to starve yourself, but you probably never will again?
— RowanDid anyone miss the fact that half of these women were already a normal weight? Why do women at a normal weight need to be encouraged to maintain unneeded weightloss AFTER the wedding? That doesn’t sound like a big step for a public health. It sounds like a big step for eating disorders.
— aliceYou make some interesting points about weight management and brides to be. The start of a marriage is an excellent time for a young couple to establish healthy eating habits.
I take issue with your title though. Why did you have to use the term bridezilla? I am a newlywed and, frankly, I’m sick of hearing it tossed around. Not every woman becomes a hysterical mess. Not every woman is an out of control monster. Please, put a little more thought into the words that you use to describe women.
— KateFrom TPP — It’s a lighthearted term. And frankly, most of these women were normal weight. A normal weight woman who obsesses about weight loss and buys a too-small dress and starves herself to fit into it qualifies as a bridezilla in my opinion.
The wedding industry already takes advantage of women (mostly) by playing on their insecurities to make a fast buck. Weight loss is just one more area where the unscrupulous (shrewd?) will horn in on to make money.
— SharonWhat a sad society we have. Enlightened? Ha.
In seven words:
Be self. Don’t obsess with weight; happiness.
- Jack,
— Jack at Fork & BottleI tell brides-to-be to just relax and try to enjoy all of the events leading up to the big day. There is nothing wrong with wating to lose some weight (if you need to) but it has to be done in a healthy way. No matter how big or small the wedding or how much you spend on it no one ever looks as beautiful as the bride.
— LJBi just got married 3 months ago. i think one of those bmi charts says i need to lose 5 or 10 pounds, but i consider myself at a healthy weight. i’m content with my body. and i think i’m a pretty level-headed person. so i was surprised that about six months before the wedding, i started stressing out about my weight. i hadn’t done that since high school. for those six months, i thought about my weight constantly. fortunately, i managed to avoid to anything drastic about it (thanks, in part, to my fiance-now-husband, who reminded me everyday that my smile was more important than my waistline).
— kayanyway, all i wanted to get at was that, even those of us who normally could care less about weight or dress sizes, can get caught up in this. and it’s almost entirely due to the american wedding “culture”. every bridal magazine i saw had at least one article about dieting. every wedding website i went to had something about weight loss plans. even the wedding planning book that my friend gave me had a checklist with “start exercising” under the “six weeks to go” section. it’s hard enough to avoid getting caught up in america’s fascination with being skinny; it’s even harder if you want to get hitched.
With all of the stress already involved in planning a wedding, attending grad school, and holding down two part time jobs last year, I abandoned the “must lose 15 pounds” mindset about 6 months before the wedding, right around the time I started dress shopping. (It helped that the seamstress at the shop refused to order me a dress one size smaller than my actual size five months before the wedding, depsite the fact that it *almost* fit.)
Rather than obsess about dropping two sizes or wanting to be “perfect” in those wedding pictures, it’s much more important to find a dress that flatters your figure as you are, suits your personality, and is comfortable enough to spend 12 hours wearing.
Looking back on the wedding pictures now, I’m glad I didn’t lose even one pound before the wedding - I look happy, healthy, and most importantly, like myself. And I must say . . . my wedding day was one of the happiest days of my life - thanks to the no-stress approach I *finally* adopted.
From TPP — The thing I find interesting is that the men that these women are marrying are obviously happy with the bride, just as they are. Not that weight loss is about what other people think, but you’d think it would count for something that someone wants to spend his life with you, flawed body and all. So more power to you for just enjoying your wedding day and being yourself.
— IsaIf the day I get married is supposed to be this perfect thing that is the crowning achievement of my life, then doesn’t that imply the rest of it’s downhill from there?
It’s just sad. This whole perfect Disney princess thing makes me want to vomit. But not because I’m trying to lose weight.
I never want to get married. This whole “perfect day” is such a farce, especially since over half the population ends up doing it more than once. Plus, it’s become SUCH an industry. In doing so much, spending as much as everyone does, and then being as stressed as this article implies most people are, the whole thing seems cheap.
From TPP — It’s not an indictment of marriage. It’s the lavish wedding that seems to invite craziness. Elope to a sunny place. THat’s my advice.
— M.From TPP — “The thing I find interesting is that the person you are marrying is obviously happy with you just as you are. Not that weight loss is about what other people think, but you’d think it would count for something that someone wants to spend his life with you, flawed body and all.”
What is that supposed to mean exactly? Why wouldn’t the person that one is marrying be happy with his/her potential spouse? And, who is to say that all bodies have flawed. Although I am not the poster, I find your response to her post offensive and absurd!!!
From TPP — I think I didn’t make myself clear. I was agreeing with the poster. I think it’s a shame that these women, many of whom are at normal weight even, find it so important to shrink themselves for a wedding. Even the women who are above so-called “normal” weight, obviously have found happiness and acceptance just the way they are. It’s an interesting commentary on our views about “normal” and beauty that the men these women are marrying obviously accept them the way they are, but the women themselves are apparently unhappy with their bodies. Does that clear things up?
— annaI’ve never been engaged but, in general, when I want to lose weight, it is for myself. Being at a healthy weight, I feel better and can run faster. I would venture to guess that our vanity streak is what gets us rather than worrying if the fiance will find us attractive. But who am I to say…
— AnneI think it’s more of an issue of looking good for the photos and the relatives than the fiance. JMO, since I’ve never been married, of course.
— SharonI’m sorry, I just fail to see how “bridezilla” is in fact a lighthearted term. While I know the taffeta beast lurks out there, and have known one in my lifetime, it’s not a term I like to see thrown around at will - especially when describing presumably normal young women thrown into a morass of unliveable expectations and increasing debt. (And in this instance, only some of the women mentioned were going the extreme route of losing weight from a normal shape, and even fewer were buying smaller dresses - troubling, but not indicative of the entire group.)
As for the diet-mania, I have to see this as another symptom of the pressure to be perfect in our culture. Certainly, if you’re kept busy obsessing about weight, appearance, and unreachable goals, you’ll have no time to actually make changes in your life or in the lives of others. It’s a fabulous way of keeping motivated, achieving women out of all the important discussions. (Whether it’s pro or con - compare the “Janet Reno is a man” marginalizing mudfest with the “$200 haircut” bloodbath - and I know I’m dating myself with those examples.) In this instance, however, it’s a particulary mean-spirited and destructive way of selling women things they don’t need.
I find it really interesting, as I plan my own wedding, how the limiting expectations creep into what should be a straightforward affair. I have not bothered living up to anyone’s arbitrary expectations of femininity up ’til now; so what made anyone think I’d do a 180 degree change now that there’s a rock on my finger? And yet, there’s this prevailing idea of “just for one (perfect) day” that pulls even smart, naturally feminine women into the fray.
And as long as dress-shop sizes are notoriously smaller than regular clothes, women will face a jarring slam just when they want to feel best. As long as one style (strapless, a-line, white, and boring) dominates; there will be a certain “assembly-line” feeling, especially regarding the physical appearance of the bride (the focal point of all that money and time spent) to drive even reasonable women to extremes. That doesn’t make them monsters: it makes them cautionary tales.
On the other hand, I know a girl who recently married in a blood-red, hand-painted gown. She said she was thumbing her nose at the idea that only a woman of purity and spotless virtue could (or should) make a commitment. A few weeks into my own planning, I totally understand why she did it. Does that mean I’m gonna pork out between now and October? Ha! Not bloody likely! Does that make me a ‘zilla? Hmmm, try again.
Good topic, I was (obviously) very interested… but the title, and the ‘tude, have to go. The last quote in particular would be a great thing for brides to get through their veil-covered heads… if only they hadn’t been turned off by the bridezilla comment.
— vickyThe dresses in bridal shops fit smaller than your normal dress size. If you’re a size 8, the wedding gown in a size 10 or 12 will fit you. That kind of thing can mess with one’s head. It’s a total set up.
From TPP — seems counter intuitive. the easiest way to make someone fall in love with a dress is to make it seem like a smaller size fits her. anyone know why bridal gowns are sized smaller than regular clothes?
— TammiBridezilla is a fantastic term. If you take offense to it, you probably are, were, or will be one.
Anyway, a wedding is maybe the worst reason ever to lose weight. In case we forgot, it is ONE DAY of our lives. No one is going to notice if you are a size smaller, let alone remember a couple years down the road. I got married about 4 months ago, and it was so low key, and completely stress-free (and cheap to boot). Weddings are what you make them. Stop using the industry as a scapegoat. No one gets a lavish, ridiculous wedding forced on them, and no one gets forced to lose weight by anyone except themselves.
— LGI’m getting married in June and have been on a very slow weight loss plan since July. I just want to lose 20 pounds, have lost 14 so far. I’m losing this weight not so much for the wedding but because I had been letting my weight creep upward and clothes were no longer fitting. Lately though I’ve been using the wedding as an excuse to lose the weight. Not because it is, but because without using it as an excuse no one can understand why I walk a mile and a half to work and back in the bitter U.P. of Michigan winter weather. Walking is my favored form of exercise and I don’t want to not walk for six months out of the year.
— ShannonThe wedding is somewhat of an encouragement to lose weight but mainly it’s because I want to feel good about myself.
As for the dress, I don’t have to worry about sizes, my mother is making it and I just have to give her what my actual measurements are and try not to deviate from them too much before the wedding.
It doesn’t surprise me that a lot of women try to lose weight before their weddings. If it’s something they need to do anyway for health reasons, then the wedding can serve as a great incentive to do it. It’s the normal weight women who are obsessing that are the problem.
Regarding dress sizes - I had heard that the dress forms they make them on have not changed in the last 100 years or so, which is why the sizes are so much bigger. Don’t know if it’s true or not, but that’s what the woman in the bridal store told the last distraught bridesmaid’s group I was a part of.
— SharonI was thin at my wedding and now I’m divorced.
— sandie zWhere’s the correlation between being thin and happily married?
Forget about losing weight to look that much thinner in the photos. (Lose weight if you need to do it to be healthier.) Forget about the princess fairy tale wedding. Don’t spend so much money on the flowers. Good enough is good enough. Enjoy getting family and friends together for a happy occasion, and enjoy the warmth and love of what hopefully will be your life partner.
How do put this in perspective–stop reading bridal magazines and watching bridal TV shows. They create a false need for excess.
— asMost of the dieting brides would probably list looking thin for photos as a primary motivator for wedding weight loss. After the wedding, they’ll gain the weight back, only to look at their wedding photos and lament “how thin I used to be”. How sad.
— Marie P.be careful about losing all that weight just for the wedding. A member of my family did this and promptly gained the weight back afterwards. That lovely figure in the photo has never been seen again. And her husband will not let her forget it. Better off not pretending to be what you aren’t, for that one day’s photos stay around for a long long time.
— Mimivicky, your comment rocks. Power to you. and yes, bridezilla is a sucky term. I hope you have a great wedding.
— mvThere’s nothing lighthearted about the term “Bridezilla.” It’s a sexist stereotype that mocks women as hysterical, emotionally-driven shrews. It says, “Wow, here’s another out-of-control woman who can’t even throw a party without falling apart and making everybody else crazy in the process!”
— DannyDid ANY critical thinking go into writing this article? More than half of the women were “normal” weight. Ninety percent of the women wanted to lose weight. Most of these women don’t need to be discussing “more healthful” weight loss behaviors–believe it or not, they DON’T NEED TO BE LOSING WEIGHT!!! Extreme dieting behaviors aren’t just a concern because they don’t lead to sustained weight loss–they’re a concern because they’re (should I really have to say this?) DANGEROUS. They can also lead to eating disorders which, at the risk of being ridiculously repetitive, are DANGEROUS. Publishing an article that insinuates that weight loss is appropriate and/or necessary for virtually all women–even “normal” ones–and condemns “extreme dieting” behaviors only because they’re lousy ways to lose weight permanently (especially if you didn’t need to lose weight to begin with) is the height of ignorance and irresponsibility. This is supposed to be a blog about HEALTH, not APPEARANCE. I expected more from the New York Times.
From TPP — I’m confused by your response as I think we agree. There is nothing in this article that endorses the notion that women should drop weight for a wedding. It notes that extreme dieting is not a good thing. And it notes that a wedding is a good opportunity for doctors to talk to women about healthy eating. And the reality is that about half the women (48%) were overweight — so a reasonable eating plan that could result in permanent healthy weight loss would also be a positive thing for these women.
— KateI don’t mean to harp on this, but Bridezilla is not a “fantastic” term, nor is it innocuous or whimsical. It’s a mean, mean term; it perpetuates the idea that women are childish, overly-emotional, selfish witches when faced with stress. When we readily use words like that, we promote a STEREOTYPE that is demeaning.
Let’s rise above that, okay?
— Loretta