Conciseness
This resource was written by Purdue OWL.
Last full revision by Ryan Weber.
Last edited by Nick Hurm on September 20th 2006 at 3:18PM
Summary:
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Conciseness
The goal of concise writing is to use the most effective words. Concise
writing does not always have the fewest words, but it always uses the
strongest ones. Writers often fill sentences with weak or unnecessary
words that can be deleted or replaced. Words and phrases should be
deliberately chosen for the work they are doing. Like bad employees, words
that don't accomplish enough should be fired. When only the most effective
words remain, writing will be far more concise and readable.
This resource contains general conciseness tips followed by very
specific strategies for pruning sentences.
1. Replace several vague words with more powerful and specific words.
Often, writers use several small and ambiguous words to express a
concept, wasting energy expressing ideas better relayed through fewer
specific words. As a general rule, more specific words lead to more
concise writing. Because of the variety of nouns, verbs, and adjectives,
most things have a closely corresponding description. Brainstorming or
searching a thesaurus can lead to the word best suited for a specific
instance. Notice that the examples below actually convey more as they drop
in word count.
Wordy: The politician talked about several of the merits of after-school programs in
his speech (14 words)
Concise: The politician touted after-school programs in his speech. (8
words)
Wordy: Suzie believed but could not confirm that Billy had feelings of affection for her. (14 words)
Concise: Suzie assumed that Billy adored
her. (6 words)
Wordy: Our website has made available many of the
things you can use for making a decision
on the best dentist. (20 words)
Concise: Our website presents criteria for determining the best dentist. (9 words)
Wordy: Working as a pupil under a someone who develops photos was an
experience that really helped me learn a lot.
(20 words)
Concise: Working as a photo technician's apprentice was an educational experience. (10 words)
2. Interrogate every word in a sentence
Check every word to make sure that it is providing something important
and unique to a sentence. If words are dead weight, they can be deleted or
replaced. Other sections in this handout cover this concept more
specifically, but there are some general examples below containing
sentences with words that could be cut.
Wordy: The teacher demonstrated some
of the various ways and methods for cutting words from my essay that I had
written for class. (22 words)
Concise: The teacher demonstrated
methods for cutting words from my essay. (10 words)
Wordy: Eric Clapton and Steve
Winwood formed a new band of musicians together in 1969, giving it the
ironic name of Blind Faith because early speculation that was spreading
everywhere about the band suggested that the new musical group would be
good enough to rival the earlier bands that both men had been in, Cream
and Traffic, which people had really liked and had been very popular. (66
words)
Concise: Eric Clapton and Steve
Winwood formed a new band in 1969, ironically naming it Blind Faith
because speculation suggested that the group would rival the musicians’
previous popular bands, Cream and Traffic. (32 words)
Wordy: Many have made the wise
observation that when a stone is in motion rolling down a hill or incline
that that moving stone is not as likely to be covered all over with the
kind of thick green moss that grows on stationary unmoving things and
becomes a nuisance and suggests that those things haven’t moved in a long
time and probably won’t move any time soon. (67 words)
Concise: A rolling stone gathers no
moss. (6 words)
3. Combine Sentences.
Some information does not require a full sentence, and can easily be
inserted into another sentence without losing any of its value. To get
more strategies for sentence combining, see the handout on Sentence
Variety.
Wordy: Ludwig's castles are an
astounding marriage of beauty and madness. By his death, he had
commissioned three castles. (18 words)
Concise: Ludwig's three castles are an astounding marriage of beauty and
madness. (11 words)
Wordy: The supposed crash of a UFO
in Roswell, New Mexico aroused interest in extraterrestrial life. This
crash is rumored to have occurred in 1947. (24
words)
Concise: The supposed 1947 crash of a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico aroused
interest in extraterrestrial life. (16 words)