Dealing with a New Self-Image
Fatigue Your Self-Image Staying Active Getting Help Facing Cancer with Your Spouse or Partner Dating Summing Up: Dealing with a New Self-Image
When you have cancer and when you are having treatment for cancer, changes
occur.
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You don't have as much energy as you did before the cancer.
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Your body is not the same as it was.
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If you're single, your dating life may be awkward. You may face new challenges
in your sex life.
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If you have a partner, you may face changes in your relationship.
These changes can be hard to accept. But most people with cancer find that, with
time, they are able to develop a new self-image by:
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staying actively involved in life
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getting help when they need it
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talking openly about sex and intimacy with their loved ones
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Cancer and its treatment can change how you look and feel.
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Surgery can leave scars or change the way you look.
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Chemotherapy can cause your hair to fall out.
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Radiation can make you feel very tired.
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Some drugs may cause you to gain weight or feel bloated.
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Treatments can make it hard to eat. They may upset your stomach and make you
throw up. Or they can make you feel so sick that you do not want to eat.
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Some treatments can make it hard to get pregnant or father a child.
Cancer treatment can last for weeks or months. The good news is that most of
these side effects go away when the treatment is over.
Many people want to know as much as they can about side effects, even before
treatment begins. This way, they can talk with their doctor about ways to treat
them. For example, a doctor can change a person's drugs or suggest new foods to
eat.
If you think you might want to have children in the future, ask your doctor to
refer you to a fertility doctor before you begin treatment for your cancer.
Many people feel fatigue (they are very tired or have little energy) when they
are being treated for cancer. They may have good days with lots of energy and
bad days when they are very tired. This fatigue is likely to last for a while
after treatment is over. For some people, it can last for many months.
Let people know that you have both good and bad days. Try to do something
special on days when you feel better. Let yourself rest on the days you are
very tired. And don't be afraid to tell others if you feel fatigue, even if you
need to change your plans.
"Before my cancer, I was always full of energy, working full-time, coming home
to family activities, playing tennis, and enjoying an active social life. Now,
I have to conserve my energy and plan my schedule around my chemotherapy. Many
days I am so tired, it's an effort to just get out of bed."
Each of us has a mental picture of how we look, our "self-image." Although we
may not always like how we look, we are used to and accept our self-image.
Cancer and its treatment can change your self-image. You may have changes such
as hair loss or scars from surgery. Some of these changes (hair loss) will go
away when treatment is over. Other changes (scars) will always be a part of how
you look. Every person changes in different ways. Some changes people will
notice and other changes only you will notice. Some changes you may like and
with some others, you may need time to adjust.
Coping with these changes can be
hard. But, over time, most people learn to accept them. Your family and friends
can help by showing they love you the way you are.
Many people find that staying active can help. Whether you swim, play a sport,
or take an exercise class, you may find that being active helps you accept your
new self-image. Talk with your doctor about ways you can stay active.
Hobbies and volunteer work can also help improve your self-image. You may like
to read, listen to music, or sew. You may also want to teach a child how to
read or volunteer at a homeless shelter. You may find that you feel better
about yourself when you get involved in helping others and doing things you
enjoy.
Reconstructive surgery. If cancer surgery changes the way you look, you
may want to have reconstructive surgery (plastic surgery). Many patients feel
that this type of surgery helps them cope better with their new self-image. For
instance, you may choose to have surgery to improve the look of a surgical
scar. Most insurance companies pay for reconstructive surgery.
Prosthetic devices. If a part of your body needs to be amputated (cut
off) because of cancer, a prosthetic device (a fake or man-made body part) can
replace what was cut off. For example, if your leg is amputated, you may want
to have a prosthetic leg to replace the one you lost. Most insurance companies
pay for prosthetic devices.
Wigs and scarves. Cancer treatment may cause you to lose your hair. You
may want to cover your head to keep you warm and protected from the sun. You
may also feel that wearing a wig or scarf improves how you look.
It is a good idea to buy your wig before treatment starts. This way, the wig
will match the color and style of your own hair. You may want to start wearing
your wig before losing your hair. Try to find a wig or scarf that fits well and
is not scratchy, since your scalp may be tender and sore. You may be able to
deduct the cost of your wig from your income taxes. Most of the time, your hair
will grow back when treatment is over, even though it may be a different color
and not feel like it did before.
Some couples grow stronger when they face cancer together. They look at their
lives in a new way. Problems that once seemed big don't feel that way now.
Other couples facing cancer have more trouble. A psychologist said,
"If a couple had a good relationship before cancer treatment, they have a good
basis for dealing with new problems. If the relationship has problems, the real
reasons for these problems were probably there before the cancer."
Your Sex Life May Change
Sometimes people with cancer and their partners or spouses have trouble showing
their love for each other. For instance, one man said that his wife wouldn't
kiss him any more because she was afraid that she would catch cancer. In truth,
people cannot give each other cancer. If your loved one is worried about
catching cancer from you, suggest he or she talk with your doctor.
People can also have problems with sex because of cancer and its treatment. For
instance, you may not like how you look and not want to have sex. If this
happens, talk with your spouse or partner. Your partner probably loves you for
more than your body. A 45-year-old man said,
"My wife found it hard to understand that my love for her wasn't less because
she had a mastectomy. I was much more concerned that she be rid of the cancer.
I had to convince her that I loved her for her many special qualities, not her
left breast."
Your spouse or partner may be afraid to have sex with you. He or she may be
afraid of hurting you or having sex when you are not feeling well. Let your
partner know if you want to have sex or would rather just hug, kiss, and
cuddle.
Sometimes, cancer and its treatment causes other problems with sex.
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Fatigue can make you so tired that you don't want to have sex.
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Surgery can make certain positions painful.
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Prostate cancer treatments can make it hard for a man to have an erection.
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Some treatments cause women to have vaginal dryness.
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Orgasm is sometimes hard to achieve.
Even though you may feel awkward, talk about your sex life with people who can
help. Let your doctor or nurse know if you are having problems. There may be
drugs you can take or other ways you and your loved one can give each other
pleasure. Some people also find it helpful to talk with other couples about how
to stay close while dealing with cancer.
Remember that you are special for who you are, not how you look. Your sense of
humor, intellect, sweetness, common sense, special talents, and loyalty, these
and many other qualities make you special. Sex is not the only basis for a
relationship. It is one of many ways to express love and respect.
If you are single, you may worry about dating. You may be afraid that you are
not as good looking as you used to be. And you may not know how, or when, to
talk with someone new about your cancer.
One woman with breast cancer said that dating was easier than she thought it
would be. She felt like she knew when the time was right to talk about her
disease. In fact, she said that her cancer never caused problems with people
she dated.
"I told my boyfriend about my breast cancer and my reluctance to let him see my
body. He was very reassuring. He said it didn't matter to him-- that I was
important for who I was, not how my body looked."
When you have cancer and when you are having treatment for cancer, you go
through changes.
-
You don't have as much energy as you did before the cancer.
-
Your body is not the same as it was.
-
If you're single, your dating life may be awkward.
-
You may face new problems in your sex life.
These changes can be hard to accept. But most people with cancer find that, with
time, they learn to accept their new self-image by:
-
staying involved in life
-
getting help when they need it
-
talking openly about sex and feelings of closeness with their loved ones
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