The whole thing. Literally. With a bucket, as in cleaning the fish tank.

Who knows why, but I was really surprised when I learned that the whole Save the Bay thing was a gigantic flop, and that the Environmental Protection Agency spent the last 25 years (and 6 million clams) making only an ounce or two of progress in cleaning up the bay.

According to scientists at the University of Maryland, the bay's water quality has actually deteriorated over the past two decades, and all of the bay's creatures -- fish, crabs, and oysters -- are in trouble. The EPA and its state-level partners were supposed to be enforcing the Clean Water Act, and reducing all the goop that flows daily into the bay from 4.8 million acres of farmland (with all that fertilizer and manure) and 400 sewage plants, and managing the catch of 11,000 watermen.

Neither cleanup nor catch has been managed very well. What the EPA has accomplished is to go round and round with special interest groups from the agricultural and fishing industries, and tell Congress and the public a bunch of fish tales about how much progress they were making, in order to keep the money flowing in. Yep, they lied. Meanwhile, the population of blue crab in the bay plummeted from 791 million in 1990 to 260 million in 2007, and last year the federal government declared the Chesapeake crabbing industry a disaster.

OK, this is getting a little too personal. I mean, we're talking crabs here. Aside from being North America's largest estuary and a national treasure, the Chesapeake Bay is home to the world's most scrumptileeicious delicacy: the steamed spiced crab. If you know of something more delicious and fun to eat, please call me at 1-800-URCRAZY. Just close your eyes and imagine: You're sitting outdoors, enjoying a warm summer breeze, with a cold beer and a mound of empty shells in front of you on a pile of soggy newspapers ... mallet poised, fragments flying, lips burning with spice. You've died and gone to heaven, right?

Yeah ... So imagine my horror upon reading Sunday's editorial in The FNP titled "Toilet." The commentary title, thankfully, referred to the money that has been flushed away by the EPA (along with the public trust), which was intended to clean up the bay and protect our beloved crabs. But honestly, the toilet reference might just as easily have been about that which continues to flow into the bay on a daily basis.

My stomach flipped over like a flounder, thinking about the Old Bay seasoning, the butter, the hush puppies, the... manure?! Aaaargh! I'm afraid I'll never look at a crustacean the same way again.

Likewise, I'll never look at the EPA the same way. But here's something: On Monday, the Chesapeake Bay Foundation filed suit against the federal government for failure to comply with the Clean Water Act and for reneging on a boatload of interstate agreements intended to restore the bay to its former glory and sparkle.

So, perhaps, there's ... (yes, I'll say it) hope. The CBF is asking federal courts to hold the EPA's feet to the fire, and anticipating that the new administration will have a less laissez-faire attitude about such environmental regulation. And a really big bucket.