Features
Raising Kind Children
Adapted by Kim Leon, Ph.D., Former Human Development and Family Studies, College of Human Environmental Sciences, University of Missouri-Columbia
Encouraging kindness in children is an important responsibility for all adults who care for children. You can help children show kindness toward others and experience the positive feelings that grow out of kind and caring behavior.
- Set a good example. Children learn constantly from adults' words and actions.
- Even with your busy schedule, you can involve children in acts of kindness. By helping an elderly neighbor or giving canned goods to a food bank, you can demonstrate your concern for others.
- Explain to children why you want them to engage in kind behavior. Children are more likely to comply with adults' wishes when they hear a reasonable and understandable explanation. For example, "Aunt Jean has been visiting with Grandma all week long at the hospital, so she is really tired. Would you please play quietly so that she can rest and relax?"
- To be an effective adult role model, you must match your words with your actions. For example, if you compliment someone's new clothes, but make fun of the way the clothes look when the person is gone, children receive a powerful message. They learn that saying one thing and doing another is acceptable.
- Expressing appreciation for kind and thoughtful behavior is another way to set a good example for children. By reinforcing children's kind behavior, you are helping them to understand that their kindness makes a positive difference. For example, "Corrina, I'm really glad that you shared the blocks with Andy. See how much he likes playing with them!"
- Children need to know that the adults in their
lives care about them and about others. Children who
experience respect and appreciation from adults are
more likely to demonstrate caring toward others.
Foundations in the early years (birth to age 5)
Trust: The quality of care you give to infants
can greatly influence their later development. If babies
learn that the adults around them are kind and
dependable, they will learn to trust the world and
themselves. When you respond sensitively to babies'
needs, they feel valued and important, which builds the
foundation of kindness toward others.
Consistency: If you express consistent
expectations of children, they develop predictable views
of the world. Be consistent and clear with directions
and explanations so children will feel safe in exploring
the world and trying new things. If your requests and
reasons are inconsistent, children become confused and
unsure about what is expected.
Positive guidance: Young children learn best when
they are not frightened or angry. By using guidance
based on love and respect, you can help young children
become aware of the consequences of their behavior for
others. Research says that harsh physical punishment can
weaken children's trust in adults. Physical punishment
does not help children learn self-control. When adults
use physical discipline, children feel angry at adults
and ashamed of themselves. When young children
experience consistent and positive guidance, they are
more likely to act kindly toward others.
Adapted from Human Environmental Sciences
Extension publication GH6126, "Raising
Kind Children," Janet A. Clark, Associate Program
Leader, Sara Gable, Human Development Extension State
Specialist, and Ibtisam Barakat, Extension Associate
Last Updated 09/26/2007
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