There was a post on Penelope Trunk’s Brazen Careerist this week about five career tips women should avoid. The third tip to avoid was “Marry a stay-at-home dad to give you more space to grow your career.” Her reasons are two-fold. First, she says stay-at-home dads in general aren’t happy, and second, most women want men who make more than they do. It would be easy for the average SAHD to be upset at this post, but I find it to be good food for thought, especially the second point.

The first argument should be voided for a couple of reasons. To say most stay-at-home dads aren’t happy is too general an observation and probably not representative of the whole population. Look at any career choice – doctor, lawyer, teacher, burger flipper – and you will find a number of people who don’t like their jobs or want to do something different. Additionally, Penelope has well documented a very personal and negative experience with a stay-at-home dad (her ex-husband), making her a bit biased on the subject.

I suspect, though, there is a lot of truth in the second point. Traditional gender roles are so embedded that it wouldn’t surprise me that many motivated and successful women still want their husbands to earn more than they do. As hard as the breadwinner issue is on most at-home dads, it really may be more difficult on their wives. The social and professional pressures of flipping the breadwinner role can carry more weight than a front loader, which is why the topic should be constantly addressed to make sure it doesn’t crush the relationship.

Finally, I find it interesting that finding a SAHD is popular career advice for women. I hope there aren’t many out there who have used it. Penelope should have added this as a reason to avoid this advice: Don’t seek a stay-at-home dad as a husband because most men don’t really think about such an option, or strive for it, until A.) They already are married; and B.) they actually have kids or are about to have kids.

I’ve held the belief that an effect, and not necessarily a good one, the current state of economic turmoil has had on the stay-at-home dad is that it likely is forcing more fathers into the role. A story in USA Today offers some numbers that may back that up. According to the article, since the recession began in December 2007 men are losing jobs at a higher rate than women. The jobless rate for men stands at 7.2% up from 4.4%, while the rate for women jumped to 5.9% from 4.3%.

Obviously there is no breakdown based on family situations, but it’s not hard to figure out that if a dad lost his job while mom still has hers that he probably is watching the kids while figuring out the next move. This obviously is not an ideal situation for many families, but hopefully it has enough upside that it can help weather the tough time.

One thing stay-at-home dads must, must do is make sure they keep active in their outside interests. Nothing could deteriorate the psyche worse than doing nothing day in and day out but making sure toddlers don’t harm themselves while watching the latest PBS Sprouts production. Hobbies are key in the burnout battle. The key is, don’t let those outside interests kill you. That does no good for your family, or your personal health for that matter.

Here is a we-can-laugh-about-it-now story out of Mississippi where an at-home dad was hunting and had a serious run in with a deer. He probably didn’t think he’d be fending off a buck by the antlers when he left for the trip. "I could hardly move the next day I was so sore," he tells Memphis’ Commercial Appeal. "I can tell you it scared me to death. I thought I wouldn't see my wife and kids again." A tough day of herding small children might not seem so bad after that.

The media has a reputation for being negative. Take a look at this story on stay-at-home dads from the Calgary Herald as a prime example. On the surface it comes across as a good note on the growing trend on SAHDs and the challenges we face. Ultimately I think it ends up being one, if you can get through all the pessimism in the first half of the story.

There are some thought-provoking and interesting facts in there, albeit really scary. A U.S. study from a few years ago that says men who stayed home have an 82% higher 10-year death rate than those who work outside of the home; and another from England revealing that marriages with an at-home dad have a detrimental effect on half of those relationships. Then there is the bit that isn’t fact at all but rather assumption with a sprinkle of reality: in Newfoundland 25% of stay-at-home parents are dads, but many probably would rather be working.

There is no doubt stay-at-home dads have obstacles to conquer, and the points brought up in this story are definitely topics for SAHDs and their families to think about and work on. They should be included in the piece. Too bad stories of dads working to overcome them weren’t mixed in earlier.

What should have been the focus of the story was what Alberta public health councilor Anjan Raymond-Bhatt provided. He studied SAHDs for his masters degree and says the negative aspects at-home dads face are the growing pains of social change. "(Even) when something has been studied and in the research it's shown to be good, it takes some time for people to understand all that," he tells the paper. That’s an intriguing thought. Hopefully any prospective, or current, stay-at-home dads didn’t run away in fear before getting to it.