The Great Asylum Round Up -- Nerdcore & Bizarre Piercings

Jan 2nd 2009
By Brian Childs

Vid of the Week: John Lennon is back from the dead and is freaking us out.

Women:
Are you a nerd that loves hot women? You're going to love Nerdcore.

Weird: What's the most bizarre thing you can pierce?

Health: Still hung over? Try our last minute hangover cures.

Humor: The most creative and puntastic store names.

Our Favorite Comment of the Week:

On The Most Creative and Puntastic Store Names, Stew wrote, "When i was young, i used to watch my mother bake. I toyed with the idea of opening a bakery. With my name, I would have called it "stew-da-baker." Not bad, at least to me."
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Amazing Vending Machines & Bikini Sport Vids

Jan 2nd 2009
By Brian Childs


Amazing Vending Machines You Didn't Know Existed
Did you know there's a live bait vending machine? (Uncoached)

10 Best Videos of Girls Playing Sports in Bikinis
Curiously enough, there are no beach volleyball videos. (Manofest)
Las Vegas' Arc de Triomphe PWNED
Sweet video of Robbie Madison landing his bike on top of the Las Vegas replica of the Arc de Triomphe. (CO-ED)

Sexy Soccer Scandal Ends in Bar Fight (With Leather)

Eight Champagne Myths Debunked
(The Bachelor Guy)

How to Achieve Your New Year's Goals
(Bullz-Eye)

Seven Classic Disney Movies That Taught Us Terrible Lessons
(Cracked)
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10 Things You Should Never Say to a Porn Star

Jan 2nd 2009
By Emily McCombs

It's AVN season, the time when porn stars dress up in their finest PVC attire and compete for awards in categories such "Best All-Girl 3-Way Sex Scene." And for those lucky enough to be attending the AVN awards on January 10th in Las Vegas, it's also the time when porn stars leap out of the DVD player and come to life to pose for pictures and sign your time-worn copy of "Jenna Loves Rocco."

Luckily, adult entertainer and Wicked Girl Stormy Daniels (who is nominated for both "Best Supporting Actress" and "Crossover Star of the Year") was kind enough to give us some pointers on how to keep your foot out of your mouth when faced with your favorite porn stars. Read on to find out 10 things you should never say to a porn star.


10. You're too pretty to do porn. (So, you're saying you would prefer to watch ugly people f*ck?)

9. Your vagina must be really worn out. (Mine isn't nearly as bad as your mother's after pushing such a giant idiot like you out of it.)

8. I would never watch porn. I think it is degrading to women. (Then how did you know my name? And my measurements? And my astrological sign? And my birthdate?)

7. How do I get my girlfriend/wife to do ________? (Ask her, not me. By the way, talking to me in the first place is not helping your cause.)

Stormy Daniels

    Stormy Daniels

    Wicked

    Stormy Daniels

    Getty Images

    Stormy Daniels

    Getty Images

    Stormy Daniels

    Getty Images

    Stormy Daniels

    Wicked

    Stormy Daniels

    Getty Images

    Stormy Daniels

    Wicked

    Stormy Daniels

    Getty Images

    Stormy Daniels

    Wicked

    Stormy Daniels

    Getty Images



Find out more things you should never say to a porn star after the jump.
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How to Build Your Own Ice Bar

Jan 2nd 2009
By Neil Gladstone

While technology has created a bed fan to keep us cool under the sheets and Han Solo ice cubes to give your drinks a little more "Star Wars" flavor, inventors haven't found a way to keep your chilled martini from eventually succumbing to room temperature.

In order to combat the inevitable melting that comes with global warming and baseboard heating, you'll need to take a page from Dr. Freeze's playbook and start hanging out in a subzero lair, or better yet, an ice bar.

(story continues below)

Ice Bars

    Ice Bar at Restaurant Reykjavik in Iceland. Guests get a coat before they enter the bar into 6c where they serve cocktails and Icelandic Brennivín.

    restaurantreykjavik.is

    Girls enjoy cocktail drinks on the ice made bar counter at a press preview of the Absolut Icebar in Tokyo. Asia's first ice bar made from blocks of ice cut from Sweden's Torne river will open here 17 February with an entrance fee of 3,500 yen (30 USD) per person with one drink and winter clothes.

    Yoshikazu Tsuno, AFP / Getty Images

    A bartender makes the cocktails at a new-opened Absolut Icebar in Shanghai, 22 June 2007. China's largest city Shanghai may be sweltering under muggy summer heat, but Sweden's Icehotel may just have the coolest bar in town for patrons to chill out in. The operator shipped 50 tonnes of ice blocks to Shanghai from Sweden's Torne River, a method used for the Stockholm bar that helps maintains the room at minus five degrees Celsius (23 degrees Fahrenheit).

    Liu Jin, AFP / Getty Images

    An entertainer dressed as an Ice Queen performs for the public at a new ice attraction, called Ice Space, next to Tower Bridge in London. The attraction houses ice sculptures, an ice bar, an ice rink and will also feature performance art. The ice attraction has been made with over 2,000 blocks of ice, weighing over 200 tons in total.

    Carl De Souza, AFP / Getty Images

    Holly Sevenson enjoys a cocktail at minus 12 degrees in Melbourne's first ice bar called the Chill On, located in the city centre. Over thirty tonnes of ice has been used in fitting out the bar with ice sculptures, chairs and a couch alone that weighs in at four tonnes. Patron pay 30 dollars (22.5 US dollars) for a half hour visit where they received a free vodka or cocktail in special glasses made of ice as they sit on seats covered with kangaroo skins.

    WIlliam West, AFP / Getty Images

    Japanese young girls try to chisel blocks of ice into glassess at a studio of the Alpha Resort Tomamu's "Ice Dome Village" in Shimukappu, northern Japan. The village which consits of six domes, including glass studio, bar and chapel which are constructed from ice, opened in December and is expected to last until the end of March.

    Toru Yamanaka, AFP / Getty Images

    A woman enjoys cocktails at "Icebar Sub-Zero" in Seoul, South Korea. The entrance fee for South Korea's first 'Ice Bar' is 15USD and includes a drink, customers can also borrow coats upon entry. Everything in the bar including the counter, walls, tables, glasses and chairs are made from blocks of ice.

    Chung Sung-Jun, Getty Images

    Barman Brendon Smith poors a vodka in the frozen interior of the Minus 5 Ice Bar on Princes Wharf. Customers are provided with insulated clothing and only allowed a 30-minute stay inside Minus 5, which is made entirely of ice, right down to the drinking glasses.

    Dean Treml, AFP / Getty Images

    An ice bar is pictured in Rovaniemi. Rovaniemi's Christmas season is in full swing, teeming mainly with families with children eager to meet Santa and his elves. In 2007, almost one million tourists visited Finnish Lapland above the Arctic Circle, 360,000 of whom were foreigners, mainly from Britain, Germany, France, the Netherlands, Norway and Russia, according to the regional council of Lapland.

    Oliver Morin, AFP / Getty Images

    Bar staff hand out drinks in the Minus 5 Ice Bar at Circular Quay in Sydney, Australia. Minus 5 is Australia's first Ice Bar, built entirely out of ice and preserved at arctic temperatures. The human threshold for the body to endure this environment is for a maximum of 30 minutes and visitors are requested to wear overcoats, gloves and hats at all times.

    Chris McGrath, Getty Images



Now if you can't make it to Reykjavik, Paris or London, which all have ice-lined boites to keep your bubbly below freezing, you may want to consider building your own. Constructing your own ice bar won't be easy, though. After chatting with Hordor Sigurjonsson about Kaffi Reykjavik, here are some details to keep in mind:

Fashion a metal-walled room lined with at least eight inches of insulation. Kaffi Reykjavik's owners got the idea for an ice bar after visiting Finland's ice hotel. To make their dream a reality, it was necessary to carve out an entirely new room in their restaurant. In many ways, the result is like a walk-in freezer that requires fans blowing cold air at all times. Don't expect to whisper sweet nothings; be prepared to shout.

After the jump, find out what other key ingredients (besides water) go into a badass ice bar.

Find a supply of old ice. Kaffi Reykjavik imports the materials for their walls from reserves in southern Iceland where the water has been frozen for years and is much harder than your fridge's cubes.

Hire ice sculptors. Kaffi Reykjavik has their chefs winnow down large blocks into bricks between one and two feet wide. Make sure your sculptor or contractor has a good sense of bricklaying so the finished walls don't tumble onto anyone. For extra atmosphere, require them to carve out seats, a sofa and an actual bar. Cover your new furniture with animal pelts, or at least grandma's crochet so no one's pants get wet.

Invent an ice-themed drink. If you're going to have your own ice bar, might as well kitsch it up with a specialty drink. Kaffi Reykjavik calls theirs Blue Moon, which includes vodka, cointreau and blue curaçao. (Extra points if you can make your ice drink blue.)

Buy some thick slickers. Everyone will say they want to hang out in your ice bar, but once they've been inside a minus 9 Celsius room for five minutes, they'll reconsider. Having hip parkas and jackets on hand (as Kaffi Reykjavik does) helps.

Be prepared to redecorate at least once a year.
In the three years Kaffi Reykjavik's ice bar has been open, the ice walls have had to be rebuilt every nine to 12 months, depending on how many patrons pass through -- all that body heat, after all. (Sigurjonsson estimates they got over 60,000 people last year.)
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Handlebar Mustache Facing Global Extinction?

Jan 2nd 2009
By Michael Rundle

Despite its suavely mantastic appeal, the handlebar mustache is constantly under threat. Like the tiger or the noble narwhal, it takes many years to make a handlebar mustache, but only seconds to shave it off. The result is that with every lost handlebar, the 'stache inches ever closer to extinction.

That's why it's so sad to read that the famous beards and handlebars of India are disappearing as the world's largest democracy enters the smooth-skinned digital age.

According to a new book, the traditional belief in India that the mustache is a sign of virility is dying out, and young people do not want to wear the old-fashioned facial hair of their fathers.

"Hair India: A Guide to the Bizarre Beards and Magnificent Moustaches of Hindustan" by Richard McCallum says that most well-known Indian cricket players do not have beards or mustaches, and that the trend in Bollywood is for Euro-style designer stubble of the George Michael variety.

"Beards and moustaches tell the story of modern India -- how it is becoming a more Westernised, homogenised place, but also how the great traditions and the love of display still exist," McCallum told the AFP news agency.

And so, alas, the world becomes a darker place -- one lost mustache at a time. But before it's too late, why not check out our favorite handlebar mustaches below?

The Most Stunning Handlebar Mustaches

    Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche

    Nietsche.com

    Rocker Eugene Hutz

    Artist Leroy Neiman

    Getty Images

    President William Taft

    Keystone View Co. / AP

    World Mustache Champion Willi Chevalier

    Getty Images

    Our muse, Rollie Fingers

    Glenn Hughes of The Village People (sporting what is often called a "biker handlebar")

    CBS Archive / Getty Images

    Prussian Minister Albrecht von Roon

    wikipedia.com

    Hall of Fame relief pitcher Goose Gossage

    Richard Drew, AP

    Bad Guy Dick Dastardly

    Everett Collection

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'Isaac Asimov's Robots' Is a Dated Masterpiece of Kitsch

Jan 2nd 2009
By Asylum Staff

If Isaac Asimov, the single greatest writer of robot fiction, were still alive, he'd be 89 today. Alas, the man who inspired us to consider all the issues surrounding artificial life (and its sexual recreation uses) has logged out, leaving us with his brilliant catalog of books to remember him by. There are also some tremendously strange adaptations of Asimov's work, including the video below, which was meant to be a VCR party game for geek shindigs in the '80s.

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Readers Love Hilarious Puns, Oxymorons -- Part Uno

Jan 2nd 2009
By Julieanne Smolinski

The pun has been called the lowest form of humor, but when it comes to naming your shop, it can be a memorable (and, in the case of tanning salons, mandatory) way to get customers to remember your business. This week's Noble Prize goes to the readers who proved this Wharton-meets-clown-college theory by adding their own favorites in the comments.


reader caraburgan: Wichcraft (sandwich shop)
reader democratbill: Crazy as a Loom (weaving studio)
reader marie: Pay-Per-Clip (salon)
reader MDC: No Bun Intended (maternity clothing shop)
reader hudnut1tmr: Agony of da' Feet (shoe store)
reader Laura: Hear Here (audiology office)
reader Kim: Wreck-a-Mended (auto body shop)

Thanks, guys! And be sure to check in Monday for part two.

Click here to learn how your comments can win you a sweet narwhal T-shirt.
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Chicago's Wrigley Field Hosts the NHL's Winter Classic

Jan 1st 2009
By Asylum Staff

The NHL is looking to return to prominence among the major American sports, and they have a few gimmicks up their sleeve to achieve this objective. The best one is obviously Ice Girls, but a close runner-up is the Winter Classic, where two teams face off on New Year's Day in an outdoor venue.

This year's Winter Classic takes place in Wrigley Field, Chicago's hallowed cathedral of baseball. Check out the gallery below to see how the home of the Cubbies has been transformed for today's clash between the hometown Blackhawks and rival Detroit Red Wings.

Weird Sports Stuff

    Personalized NFL Collage This framed pictured of NY Giants stars, including one who shot himself, allows you to put your name on the back of a jersey. It's the type of merch that takes sports fandom to the level of weird stalker fantasy, sort of like photoshopping yourself into current pictures of your ex.

    skymall.com

    Executive Batting Practice Taking office batting practice with this desktop-sized pitching machine will clearly demonstrate to your underlings that: A) You can really turn on a 45 mph heater, and B) You have no qualms about damaging the workplace with a batted ball. Now that's leadership.

    1ofakindstuff.com

    Aqua Golf On hot summer days, kids are always complaining that there's nowhere to go to work on their short game. Fortunately, that waste of space you call a swimming pool can be put to good use by covering it with floating turf.

    vacationgadgets.com

    N Range Indoor Shooting System Enjoy shooting, but hate leaving the couch? Just fire a few rounds into this handy little armoire. Be careful, though. The wife tends to get snippy if you don't clean up your shell casings. (Sadly, this item was discontinued. We can't understand why.)

    nrange.com

    Flair Hair Visor This visor with a "cool" shock of fake hair attached is marketed to golfers. It should come with a disclaimer that if you wear it while playing at the country club, your membership will be immediately revoked.

    skymall.com

    Fathead Wall Graphics If you want to show cult-like devotion to your favorite player, pick up one of these life-size wall stickers for your living room. Also, pick up lots of porn, because any woman who sees your decorative panache will not sleep with you.

    skymall.com

    Tandem Potato Sacks (Set of 10) What's more fun than buddying up to hop in a potato sack race against 18 of your closest friends? Every activity you can possibly think of. Oh, and by the way, a pack of 10 tandem sacks will cost you $130 (the kids' faces reveal that they probably didn't foot the bill).

    onlinesports.com

    Forest Faces These tree decorations are so worthless and unnecessary, the squirrels living in the trees will move out.

    skymall.com

    Basho the Sumo Wrestler Table It's very kind of Basho to bend over and support your magazines and drinks. Let's just hope he also has the common courtesy to keep his Mawashi covering his coin slot.

    designtoscano.com

    The Drinking Buddy Polo Shirt No doubt the polo shirt/beer coozy was some frat guy's senior year epiphany. After six years of stretched-out breast pockets and ice-chafed nipples, he finally had this stroke of genius.

    americantailgater.com

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Watch All Four Seasons in 40 Seconds

Jan 1st 2009
By Asylum Staff

We've resolved to properly respect and appreciate the world around us in 2009. Basically that involves recycling more, driving a little less and leaving our computers every once in a while to go outside (We know it sounds impossible, but it's worth a try). Part of the inspiration for this resolution is this amazing video by Erik Solheim. It's a compilation of photos shot with a Canon 400D and audio captured with a Canon S2 IS and a Canon HF10, depicting one year's cycle of seasons in less than a minute.

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Keep the Buzz Alive by Gawking at New Year's Party Pics

Jan 1st 2009
By Asylum Staff

It may go without saying that a few of us are horribly hungover today. We were so glad to see 2008 die that we just couldn't stop celebrating. Now we can't think of a better way to resuscitate our spirits than sitting at the computer looking at an endless stream of pictures of people partying like it's 2009.

New Years Eve Parties

    SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA - DECEMBER 31: Paris Hilton arrives for world's biggest on-line New Year's Eve party 'The Bongo Virus' at Trademark on December 31, 2008 in Sydney, Australia. (Photo by Brendon Thorne/Getty Images)

    Getty Images

    SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA - DECEMBER 31: Paris and Nicky Hilton arrives for world's biggest on-line New Year's Eve party 'The Bongo Virus' at Trademark on December 31, 2008 in Sydney, Australia. (Photo by Brendon Thorne/Getty Images)

    Getty Images

    SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA - DECEMBER 31: Paris and Nicky Hilton arrives for world's biggest on-line New Year's Eve party 'The Bongo Virus' at Trademark on December 31, 2008 in Sydney, Australia. (Photo by Brendon Thorne/Getty Images)

    Getty Images

    SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA - DECEMBER 31: Paris and Nicky Hilton arrives for world's biggest on-line New Year's Eve party 'The Bongo Virus' at Trademark on December 31, 2008 in Sydney, Australia. (Photo by Brendon Thorne/Getty Images)

    Getty Images

    A general overview shows the illuminated fanmile next to the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin, December 31, 2008. Berlin expects one million visitors for its spectacular New Year's Eve party between the Brandenburg Gate and the Sigessaeule. REUTERS/Tobias Schwarz (GERMANY)

    Reuters

    A general overview shows the illuminated fanmile next to the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin, December 31, 2008. Berlin expects one million visitors for its spectacular New Year's Eve party between the Brandenburg Gate and the Sigessaeule. REUTERS/Tobias Schwarz (GERMANY)

    Reuters

    A pyrotechnician loads mortars for the New Year's Eve celebrations in Berlin, December 31, 2008. Berlin expects one million visitors for its spectacular New Year's Eve party between the Brandenburg Gate and the Sigessaeule. REUTERS/Tobias Schwarz (GERMANY)

    Reuters

    A pyrotechnician loads mortars for the New Year's Eve celebrations in Berlin, December 31, 2008. Berlin expects one million visitors for its spectacular New Year's Eve party between the Brandenburg Gate and the Sigessaeule. REUTERS/Tobias Schwarz (GERMANY)

    Reuters

    A pyrotechnician prepares mortars for the New Year's Eve celebrations in Berlin, December 31, 2008. Berlin expects one million visitors for its spectacular New Year's Eve party between the Brandenburg Gate and the Sigessaeule. REUTERS/Tobias Schwarz (GERMANY)

    Reuters

    A view of the "Strasse des 17. Juni" leading to the "Victory Column" (Siegessaeule) in Berlin's central Tiergarten park ahead of the New Year's celebrations December 30, 2008. Berlin expects one million visitors for its spectacular New Year's Eve party between the Brandenburg Gate and the Sigessaeule, with three main stages, eight pavilions and a Ferris wheel organizers try to attract as much spectators as last year. REUTERS/Pawel Kopczynski (GERMANY)

    Reuters

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