Caring for Your Mind, Body, and Spirit
Make Time for Yourself
Myths About Taking Care of Yourself*
Ways to Nurture Yourself*
Caring for Your Body
Finding Meaning During Cancer
Do You Need Help with Depression or Anxiety?
Taking Care of Yourself
You may feel that your needs aren't important right now. Or maybe by the time you've taken care
of everything else, there's no time left for yourself. Or you may feel guilty that you can enjoy things
that your loved one can't right now.
Most caregivers say they have those same feelings. But caring for your own needs, hopes, and desires
is important to give you the strength to carry on. (See the
Caregiver's Bill of Rights.)
Taking time to recharge your mind, body, and spirit can help you be a better caregiver. You may
want to think about:
- Finding nice things you can do for yourself--even just a few minutes can help
- Cutting back on different kinds of "for you" activities, rather than cutting them out
- Finding things others can do or arrange for you, such as appointments or errands
- Looking for new ways to connect with friends
- Finding larger chunks of "off-duty" time
*
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Myth: "Taking care of myself means that I have to be away from my loved one."
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Fact: You can do things to take care of yourself with or without your loved one in the room
with you. What is important is that you do not neglect yourself.
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Myth: "Taking care of myself takes a lot of time away from other things."
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Fact: Some self-care only takes a few minutes, such as reading an upbeat passage from a book.
Other self-care can be done in bits and pieces between tasks.
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Myth: "I'd have to learn how to focus on myself. I don't know if I can start."
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Fact: Whenever things make you feel happier, lighter, more relaxed, or more energized, these
count as taking care of yourself. Think of things that you already know work for you.
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* The Hospice of the Florida Suncoast. "Caring for Yourself While Caring for Others: Removing the Barriers to Self-Care" (available at
www.thehospice.org/rmvbarriers.htm). Adapted with permission.
*
"I just need some quiet
time. If my husband's
taking a nap, I will read
a book or sit on the porch
because sometimes it's so
intense. We have days
where we go from chemo
to radiation, and it can
be very tiring."
- Adele
Giving yourself an outlet for your own thoughts and
feelings is important. Think about what would help lift
your spirits. Would talking with others help ease your
load? Or would you rather have quiet time by yourself?
Maybe you need both, depending on what's going on in
your life. It's helpful for you and others to know what
you need.
Your mind needs a break from the demands of
caregiving. Think about what gives you comfort or helps
you relax. Caregivers say that even a few minutes a day
without interruptions helps them to cope and focus.
Take 15-30 minutes each day to do something for yourself,
no matter how small it is. (See
Small Things I Can Do for Me".) For example, caregivers
often find that they feel less tired and stressed after light exercise. Try to make time for taking a walk,
going for a run, or doing gentle stretches.
You may find that it's hard to relax even when you have time for it. Some caregivers find it helpful
to do exercises designed to help you relax, such as stretching or yoga. Other relaxing activities
include taking deep breaths or just sitting still.
Small Things
I Can Do for Me |
Each day, take some time to do
something for yourself, no matter
how small it is. This might include:
- Napping
- Exercising or yoga
- Keeping up with a hobby
- Taking a drive
- Seeing a movie
- Working in the yard
- Going shopping
- Catching up on phone calls,
letters or e-mail
You may find that it's hard to relax
even when you have time for it.
Some caregivers find it helpful to
do exercises such as deep
breathing or meditating.
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"What I need at
least once or twice
a week is to talk to
one person or a
group of people that
are in the same shoes
as I am."
- Vince
Support groups can
meet in person, by
phone, or over the
Internet. They may help
you gain new insights
into what is happening,
get ideas about how to
cope, and help you
know that you're not
alone. In a support
group, people may talk
about their feelings,
trade advice, and try to
help others who are
dealing with the same
kinds of issues. Some people like to go and just listen.
And others prefer not to join support groups at all. Some
people aren't comfortable with this kind of sharing.
If you can't find a group in your area, try a support
group on the Internet. Some caregivers say Web sites
with support groups have helped them a lot.
You may be feeling overwhelmed and feel like talking
to someone outside your inner circle of support. Some
caregivers find it helpful to talk to a counselor,
psychologist or other mental health professional.
Others also find it helpful to turn to a leader in their
faith or spiritual community. All may be able to help
you talk about things that you don't feel you can talk
about with your loved one or others around you. You
also might find ways of expressing your feelings and
learn ways of coping that you hadn't thought of before.
Cancer may bring you and your loved one together
more than ever before. Often people become closer as
they face challenges together. If you can, take time to
share special moments with one another. Try to gain
strength from all you are going through together, and
what you have dealt with so far. This may help you
move toward the future with a positive outlook and
feelings of hope.
"It's okay for a neighbor to
ask how I'm doing when
they want the answer to be,
'I'm fine.' But when I'm
really not fine, all I need is
to talk to someone who can
understand, or just hear me
out. You don't have to have
an answer, just listen to me."
- Kathy
Studies show that connecting with people is very
important to most caregivers. It's especially helpful
when you feel overwhelmed or want to say things that
you can't say to your loved one. Try to find someone
you can really open up to about your feelings or fears.
You may find it helpful to talk with someone outside
the situation. So many caregivers have an informal
network of people to contact, either by phone or in
person. And if you're concerned about a caregiving
issue, you may want to talk with your loved one's health
care team. Knowledge often helps reduce fears.
It can be hard finding positive moments when you're
busy caregiving. It can be also hard to adjust to your
role as a caregiver. Caregivers say that looking for the
good things in life helps them feel better. Once a day,
think about something that you found rewarding about caregiving, such as gratitude you've
received, or extra support from a health care provider. You might also take a moment to feel good
about anything else from the day that is
positive--a nice sunset, a hug, or something
funny that you heard or read.
It's okay to laugh, even when your loved
one is in treatment. In fact, it's healthy.
Laughter releases tension and makes you
feel better. You can read humor columns,
watch comedy shows, or talk with upbeat
friends. Or just remember funny things
that have happened to you in the past.
Keeping your sense of humor in trying
times is a good coping skill.
It can be a tricky balance between thinking too much about your loved one's cancer and not
thinking enough about it. But research shows that writing or journaling can help relieve negative
thoughts and feelings. And it may actually help improve your own health. You can write about any
topic. You might write about your most stressful experiences. Or you may want to express your
deepest thoughts and feelings. You can also write about things that make you feel good, such as a
stress-free day or a kind coworker.
You may feel thankful that you can be there for your loved one. You may be glad for a chance to
do something positive and give to another person in a way you never knew you could. Some
caregivers feel that they've been given the chance to build or strengthen a relationship. This
doesn't mean that caregiving is easy or stress-free. But finding meaning in caregiving can make it
easier to manage.
If you can, try to keep doing some of your regular activities. Studies show that not doing those
activities increases the stress you feel. Keep it simple and stick with things you do well. If you have
to, change the time of day or the length of time you normally do things.
Sometimes understanding your loved one's medical situation can make you feel more confident
and in control. For example, you may want to know more about his stage of cancer. It may help
you to know what to expect during treatment and what will need to be done. (See the
Resources section.)
"When I get home from
class, my mom and I take
turns running while one
of us stays with my dad.
My run is my time for
me, and the only way
I can keep it together."
- Meredith
You may find yourself so busy and concerned about your loved one that you don't pay attention to
your own physical health. But it's very important that you take care of your health, too. Taking care
of yourself will give you strength to help others.
New stresses and daily demands often add to any health problems caregivers already have. And if
you are sick or injured, it's even more important that you take care of yourself, too. Here are some
changes caregivers often have:
- Fatigue (feeling tired)
- Weaker immune system (poor ability to fight
off illness)
- Sleep problems
- Slower healing of wounds
- Higher blood pressure
- Changes in appetite or weight
- Headaches
- Anxiety, depression, or other mood changes
Many caregivers find that cancer causes them to look at life in new ways. They may reflect on
spirituality, the purpose of life, and what they value most. It is common to view the cancer
experience both negatively and positively at the same time. You and your loved one may be
struggling to understand why cancer has entered your lives. You may wonder why you have to
endure such a trial in your life.
The way cancer affects one's faith or religion is different for everyone. Some turn away from their
religion, while others turn toward it. It is common to question one's faith after cancer. But for others,
seeking answers and searching for personal meaning helps them cope.
Many caregivers have found that their faith, religion, or sense of spirituality is a source of strength as
they face life during cancer treatment. Many say that through their faith, they have been able to find
meaning in their lives and make sense of the cancer experience. Faith or religion can also be a way
for caregivers and their loved ones to connect to others in their community. These may be people
who share similar experiences or outlooks, or who can provide support. Studies have also shown that
for some, religion can be an important part of both coping with and recovering from cancer.
Here are ways you may find comfort and meaning through your faith or religion:
- Reading materials that are uplifting and can help you connect to a higher power
- Praying or meditating to help you feel less fearful or anxious
- Talking about your concerns or fears with a leader of your faith community
- Going to religious or spiritual gatherings to meet new people
- Talking to others at your place of worship who have had similar experiences
- Finding resources at a place of worship for people dealing with chronic illnesses like cancer
As mentioned earlier, many of the things listed below are normal. This is especially true
when you are dealing with a lot of stress. But if you have any of these signs for more than
two weeks, let your health care provider know. He or she may have ideas for treatment.
- Feelings of being worried, anxious,
"blue," or depressed that don't go away
- Feeling guilty or worthless
- Feeling overwhelmed, out of control,
or shaky
- Feeling helpless or hopeless
- Feeling grouchy and moody
- Crying a lot
- Thoughts of hurting or killing yourself
- Focusing on worries or problems
- Not being able to get a thought out of
your mind
- Not being able to enjoy things
anymore (such as food, being with
friends, sex)
- Avoiding situations or things that you
know are really harmless
- Having trouble concentrating or
feeling scatterbrained
n Feeling that you are "losing it"
- Weight loss or weight gain without
meaning to
- Trouble sleeping or needing more sleep
- Racing heartbeat
- Dry mouth
- Sweating a lot
- Upset stomach
- Diarrhea (loose, watery stools)
- Slowing down physically
- Fatigue that won't go away
- Headaches or other aches and pains
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These ideas for taking care of yourself may sound easy. But they are a challenge for most
caregivers. You'll need to pay attention to how you're feeling, in both body and mind. Even
though you may be putting someone else's needs first, it's important to:
- Keep up with your own checkups, screenings, and other medical needs.
- Try to remember to take your medicines as prescribed. Ask your doctor to give you extra
refills to save trips. Find out if your grocery store or pharmacy delivers.
- Try to eat healthy meals. Eating well will help you keep up your strength. If your loved one
is in the hospital or has long doctor's appointments, bring easy-to-prepare food from
home. For example, sandwiches, salads, or packaged foods and canned meats fit easily into
a lunch container.
- Get enough rest. Listening to soft music or doing breathing exercises may help you fall
asleep. Short naps can energize you if you aren't getting enough sleep. Be sure to talk with
your doctor if lack of sleep becomes an ongoing problem.
- Exercise. Walking, swimming, running, or bike riding are only a few ways to get your body
moving. Any kind of exercise (including working in the garden, cleaning, mowing, or
going up stairs) can help you keep your body healthy. Finding at least 15-30 minutes a day
to exercise may make you feel better and help manage your stress.
- Make time for yourself to relax. You may choose to stretch, read, watch television, or talk
on the phone. Whatever helps you unwind, you should take the time to do it. It's important
to tend to your own needs and reduce your own stress levels.
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