|
Changes in Your Family
Touching Base When Things Are Changing
Growing Stronger as a Family
Asking Others for Help
"After
Mom
got
cancer,
I
got
mad
at
everything.
It
wasn't
fair
that
I
had
to
watch
my
little
brother
and
clean.
I
felt
like
I
was
going
to
lose
it,
but
tried
to
stay
cool
and
told
my
mom
how
hard
things
were.
Now
I
still
have
chores,
but
my
little
brother
goes
to
a
friend's
after
school,
so
that
I
can
go
to
soccer.
My
mom's
awesome.
She
really
understood."
- Brandon,
age 15
Whatever your family situation, chances are that things have
changed since your parent got sick. This chapter looks at some of
these changes and ways that other teens have dealt with them.
| Does this sound like your home? |
- Are you doing more chores?
- Are you spending more time with
relatives or friends?
- Are you home alone more?
- Are you asked to help make dinner or
do the laundry?
- Are you looking after younger
brothers or sisters more?
- Do you want to just hang out with your
friends when you are needed at home?
|
Let your parents know if you feel that there is more to do than
you can handle. Together you can work it out.
Families say that it helps to make time to talk together, even if it's
only for a short time each week. Talking can help your family stay
connected.
Here are some things to consider when talking with:
Brothers and sisters
- If you are the oldest child, your brothers or sisters may look
to you for support. Help them as much as you
can. It's okay to let them know that
you're having a tough time, too.
- If you are looking to your older
brother or sister for help, tell
them how you are feeling. They can help, but won't have
all the answers.
| Try saying something like this . . . |
"I'm doing
the best job I can."
"How can we work
together to get
through this?"
|
Your parent who is well
- Expect your parent to feel some
stress, just as you do.
- Your parent may snap at you.
He or she may not always do or
say the right thing.
- Lend a hand when you can.
| Try saying something like this . . . |
"How are you
doing?"
"Is there anything
I can do to help
you out?"
|
Your parent with cancer
- Your mom or dad may be sick from the
treatment or just very tired.
Or maybe your parent will feel
okay and want your company.
- Try talking if your mom or dad
feels up to it. Let your parent
know how much you love them.
| Try saying something like this . . . |
"I love you."
"Can I get you
anything?"
|
| Keeping Family and Friends in the Loop |
|
Is it getting to be too much to answer the phone and tell people
how your mom or dad is doing? That can be a lot for anyone. Ask
others to help you share news of how your parent is doing and
what help your family needs. Maybe a relative or family friend
can be the contact person. Some families use telephone chains.
Others use a Web site or e-mail listserv.
|
"I
always
took
my
parents'
attention
for
granted.
But
after
Dad
got
sick,
nobody
paid
much
attention
to
me.
I
know
everybody
has
a
lot
to
worry
about,
but
it
really
hurt.
Finally,
I
wrote
a
note
to
them.
And
they
understood!
I
feel
closer
to
my
parents
now."
- Lisa,
age
15
Some families can grow
apart for a while when
a parent has cancer.
But there are ways to
help your family grow
stronger and closer.
Teens who saw their
families grow closer
say that it happened
because people in
their family:
- Tried to put
themselves in
the other person's shoes and thought about how they
would feel if they were the other person.
- Understood that even though people reacted differently to
situations, they were all hurting. Some cried a lot. Others
showed little emotion. Some used humor to get by.
- Learned to respect and talk about differences. The more
they asked about how others were feeling, the more they
could help each other.
"I never used to get sick before Mom
got cancer. But then I started getting
headaches. My stomach hurt all the
time, too. I started wondering if
something was wrong with me. I talked
to a nurse, and she said that stress can
cause a lot of that stuff. She gave me
some great advice and said I could talk
with her whenever I wanted to. Slowly,
I'm feeling better."
- Kira, age 15
You and your family may need support from others. It can be hard
to ask. Yet most of the time people really want to help you and
your family.
People that your mom, dad, or you may ask for help:
- Aunts, uncles, and grandparents
- Family friends
- Neighbors
- Teachers or coaches
- School nurses or guidance counselors
- People from your religious community
- Your friends or their parents.
- (Add your own) _________________________________
Things people can do to help:
- Go grocery shopping or run errands.
- Make meals.
- Mow the lawn.
- Do chores around the house.
- Keep your parent company.
- (Add your own) _________________________________
Other ways people can help you and your family:
- Give rides to school, practice, or appointments.
- Help with homework.
- Invite you over or on weekend outings.
- Talk with and listen to you.
- (Add your own) _________________________________
| Your Relationship With Your Parents |
|
Your mom or dad may ask you to take on more responsibility than
other kids your age. You might resent it at first. Then again, you
may learn a lot from the experience and grow to appreciate the
trust your parents have in you. See the section on
Finding Support
for tips on talking
with your parents.
|
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