Looking for Meaning
Celebrating Your Life
"I've learned a lot about myself and
the strength I have in dealing with
this. I've learned a lot about my
kids and family too, watching them
handle this, and it makes me proud
to be their mother. I figure I must
have done something right."
- Madeline
Many people who have advanced cancer look more deeply
for meaning in their lives. They want to understand their
purpose and their legacy. They want to examine the things
they have gone through in life. Some look for a sense of
peace or a bond with others. Some seek to forgive
themselves or others for past actions. Some look for answers
and strength through religion or spirituality.
Being spiritual can mean different things to different
people. It can be a very personal issue. Everyone has their
own beliefs about the meaning of life. Some people find it
through religion or faith. Some people find it by teaching,
or through volunteer work. Others find it in different ways.
Having cancer may cause you to think about what you
believe. You may think about God, an afterlife, about the
connections made between living things. This can bring a
sense of peace, a lot of questions, or both.
Like some people, you may also find that cancer changes
your values. Having the disease may help you learn what is
most important to you. The things you own and your daily
duties may seem less important. You may decide to spend
more time with loved ones or helping others. You may want
to do more things in the outdoors, or learn something new.
You may have already given a lot of thought to these issues.
Still, you might find comfort by exploring more deeply what
is meaningful to you. You could do this with someone close
to you, a member of your faith community, or a mental
health professional.
Or you may just want to take time for yourself. You may want
to reflect on your experiences and relationships. Writing in a
journal or reading also helps some people find comfort and
meaning. Many people find that prayer, meditation, or talking
with others has helped them cope and explore their lives.
Having advanced cancer often gives people a chance to look
back on life and all they have done. They like to look at the
different roles they have played throughout life. They think
about what something meant at the time, and what it means
now. Some gather things that have meaning to them to give
to their loved ones. Others share memories or projects with
loved ones.
Doing these things is often called "making a legacy" for
yourself. It can be whatever you want. Don't limit yourself!
And you can do these things alone or with others close to
you. Some examples of ways people have celebrated their
lives are:
- Making a video of special memories
- Reviewing or arranging family photo albums
- Charting or writing down your family's history
or family tree
- Keeping a daily journal of your feelings
and experiences
- Making a scrapbook
- Writing notes or letters to loved ones and children
- Reading or writing poetry
- Creating artwork, knitting, or making jewelry
- Giving meaningful objects or mementos to loved ones
- Writing down or recording funny or meaningful
stories from your past
- Planting a garden
- Making a tape or CD of favorite songs
- Gathering favorite recipes into a cookbook
You can do whatever you want that brings joy and meaning to
you. Some people with cancer also make what is called an
"ethical will." It's not a legal paper. It's something you write
yourself to share with your loved ones. Many ethical wills
contain the person's thoughts on his or her values, memories,
and hopes. They may also talk about the lessons learned in
life or other things that are meaningful. It can say anything
you want, in any way you want.
"For the meaning of life differs from man to man,
from day to day and from hour to hour. What matters,
therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but
rather the specific meaning of a person's life at a given
moment."
- Viktor Frankl
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