Because
We Care
When Your Care Receiver Lives With You
Introduction
American society is often a muddle of contradictions, and this
is certainly true when it comes to families. On the one hand,
we cherish the concept of the extended family and laud the ideal
of multiple
generation households. On the other we cherish our privacy
and fiercely defend our independence. It is thus important for
you, your relative or friend, and other family members to weigh
the pro’s and con’s of living together. This is especially
true if you are working
or have other family responsibilities. You will need to consider
these before you enter into an arrangement that may or may not
be the best option for you and your care receiver.
Pros and Cons
It is probably best for everyone involved to discuss what you
imagine the pro’s and con’s of living together to
be. Every family’s situation is unique. Listed below are
some of the benefits and drawbacks that may result. It is important
for your relative or friend to take part in the decision, and
to be a valued and contributing member of the family with meaningful roles, whenever possible.
On the plus side:
- If your care receiver needs considerable care, you will save
the expense of a long-term care facility or, at least, some
in-home services.
- You know that your care receiver is getting the best possible
care because you are either providing it yourself or directly
overseeing the care.
- You will be able to make major decisions that can give you
a sense of empowerment.
- You will have more time to spend with your family member or
friend.
- Your children will have an opportunity to spend more time
with their grandparent(s) or other older relative, have an important
lesson in compassion and responsibility, learn about their roots,
and develop a sense of family continuity.
- If your care receiver is fairly healthy, he or she may help
with household tasks, and/or with the children.
On the other side:
- You may have less time for yourself and/or other family members
and if you
work you may find conflicts between your job and caregiving
responsibilities. Some employment
versus care giving responsibilities may be relieved, especially
in light of the technology revolution that is taking place,
where telecommuting may
now be an option.
- Depending on your
lifelong relationship, you may find that you and/or your
relative resent changes in your relationship that may take place.
- You will lose at least some of your privacy.
- Other family members may resent the new arrangement.
- There may be less space for everyone in the family.
- ou may find that hands-on caregiving is too physically and/or
emotionally demanding.
If you decide that you do want to live together, you might want
to try it on a trial basis, if possible. You might consider renting
or subletting your care receiver’s home on a short-term
basis so that he or she has the option of returning home if the
new arrangement does not work out to everyone’s satisfaction.
You will want to consider what, if any, physical
changes need to be made to your
residence and how much they will cost.
Will Intergenerational Living Work in Your Home?
As a guide, you may want to ask the following questions:
- Is your home large enough so that everyone can have privacy
when they want it?
- Is there a separate bedroom and bath for your family member,
or can you create an accessory apartment?
- Are these rooms on the first floor? If not, can your relative
climb stairs safely?
- Can you add to or remodel your home to provide a first-floor
bedroom and bath?
- Do you need to add safety
features such as ramps and better lighting?
- Does the bathroom have a shower, is it large enough to accommodate
a wheelchair, if needed, and can safety features, such as grab
bars, be installed to prevent falls?
- Are door openings wide enough for a wheel chair?
You also may want to set some ground rules for privacy.
Sharing Time Together
Obviously, if you want your care receiver to live with you, you
will want to share times together.
- Set aside times to talk.
- Involve your care receiver, if possible, in family outings
and social events.
- Invite other family and friends to your home, and let them
know that you are available to come to their house as well.
All of them will not respond, but some will.
- Even errands, such as shopping, can be something of a social
event, and give your relative a chance to participate in decision
making.
At the same time, you want to ensure that other family members
do not feel that they have been “displaced” and that
they are as important to you as ever.
Back
to Previous | Main | Next >
|