Be careful with the pointing
By Daniel J. Calderón

There seems to be a problem running rampant throughout the country. It might be the world, but I’m not that well informed on the ills of other nations. I can see it is all around me here, though. I think we, as a nation, have a major problem with finger pointing.

We seem to be on the constant look out for someone on whom to lay the blame for all the problems plaguing our society. If we’re a little on the chunky side (I include myself in this category) then we’re quick to say, “Oh well, it’s the fault of fast-food places who don’t give us healthy choices.” If we’re unhappy, it’s “Oh well, it’s because I wasn’t held enough as a child.” If our kids misbehave, it’s “Oh well, the television stars are not being good role models.”

On the first, I would advise people to eat as they see fit and accept the consequences of that consumption. True, there are some people predisposed to a little extra girth. If so, then accept it or change it. For the first time in a very long time, I’m really unhappy with my appearance. I’m doing my best to try and change it, maybe drop a good 15 pounds or so to get back into the clothes that have mysteriously shrunken while hanging in my closet (yes, that's sarcasm -- just in case you thought I was serious about the incredible shrinking clothing). I don't see any benefit or logic in blaming the places you decide to eat for the fact that you might eat a little too much. If you don't like the place, don't eat there. If you eat too much, then stop. If you want to change, then do it.

The second point seems silly. Our parents did shape who we are, but they are not the final determining factor in our daily existence. There were things my father did when I was a kid that I simply didn’t accept and have not adopted into my own adult life. There were aspects of my mother’s routine that I didn’t like and so I do not practice them. To blame all the pain of your adult existence on an unhappy childhood seems both impractical and irresponsible. As adults, we are responsible for our own actions and inactions. If you want to claim the mantle and benefits of adulthood, then you should be ready to also shoulder your share of the burdens. These include responsibility to yourself, your family and society in general. If you look back to see who you think you should blame for your woes, you'll miss what's happening right in front of you and run face first into the present and trip all over the future.

The third point is completely ludicrous. I watch television. I watch many of the shows my kids watch, both as a parent and as a viewer. Some of the stuff is entertaining, but I don’t care too much for it. That’s not surprising. It’s not written for people like me. It’s aimed at my kids and it hits the mark pretty squarely. My daughter is really into Hannah Montana, The Suite Life of Zach and Cody and other Disney fare. My youngest is into Spongebob Squarepants, Yo Gabba Gabba and other cartoons. My oldest likes basketball, but tends to eschew television unless it’s something I’m watching.
 
To point at characters on TV and say they have a responsibility to serve as role models on their own is a sad abdication of my own role as a parent. If I tell my daughter to be just like Hannah (or the actress who plays her) or my other children to emulate their favorite cartoon character or sports figure and just leave them to figure out the world based on that, I’d consider myself a pretty poor parent.

I read about how parents are outraged whenever a teen star or television personality is involved in a scandal and I have to laugh. Where were they when the actor, character or sports figure was doing well? Were the parents simply using the television as a babysitter? TV, in and of itself, is not a bad thing and some writers and actors do try to inject positive messages into their programs. This does not mean, however, that parents can simply expect their children to absorb the messages on their own.

Parents have to actually talk to their children. They have to explain both the positive and the negative aspects of what the kids are watching. Parents who don't want to expose their children to the negative should either take out the television or monitor a little more closely what their kids are watching. TV, like just about everything else, is a business. It's about profits and how to make them greater. If a positive message sells, it will lead. If scandal puts money in coffers, then guess what?

Parents should not expect celebrities to be the perfect role model for their children. Parents can’t expect to point and say, "Look kids, that’s what you need to be like.” It’s helpful to have positive examples, but it’s just as instructive to have negative ones. Although I try to avoid it, I’m not immune to the cacophonic chorus of voices heralding the scandal du jour. I hear about them and it doesn’t affect me. My kids know where to come for information, for guidance and for answers to their questions. I don’t point them away.

On a side note, I wonder whether the people who write the drivel on celebrity scandals really consider themselves journalists. I wonder if anyone does. If so, the profession has slipped into a truly pathetic place and I hope it will recover.

I think that, as a people, we have to get back to a more responsible mentality. It’s our own fault we’re in the messes we’re in. I think we’ve become too short sighted. We focus on the immediate gains and don’t look at how short-term goals may come back to bite us in the long term. I think we have to embrace our own failings and quit looking to others to serve as our scapegoats.

“For too long, I have lived through others,” is a good quote from “Excalibur.” We’re trying to dodge out of our responsibility as individuals in order to foist the blame on to the ubiquitous “them.” It's time to get off our collective tuchases (what is the plural for tuchas anyway? Is it even spelled like that or is it tookas? Hmmm… more pondering is clearly called for here) and take the reins of our lives back into our own hands. "They" aren't the bad guys. To paraphrase Walt Kelley's Pogo -- "We have met the enemy and they is us."

TV and the people who inhabit that magical world are not adequate babysitters nor are they qualified to raise our children. Fast food chains, restaurants and convenience stores aren't the bane of your waist band. The pain of the past is not a valid “get out of jail” for the problems of the present. I don't see anyone to point any fingers at except ourselves. My future is on my shoulders and your future is on yours. Are you ready to take on that responsibility and move forward? Just a thought…