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NewsCastle - Final Word |
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Vol. 37 No. 5 A monthly publication of the Los Angeles District of the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers December 2007
Resolve not to resolve (and why it is kind of impossible)
By Daniel J. Calderón
The holiday season is upon us. Christmas carols pipe up from radios, on televisions and in stores everywhere. Shoppers who have waited for this most magical and expensive time of year to finally to buy gifts bustle about with eyes ablaze for that coveted parking spot and woe betide anyone in their way.
As we Americans revel in our position as the most conspicuous consumers in history, there is that niggling little bit of guilt at the back of our collective minds. There is a surreptitious sense that maybe we ought not (Yeah, it’s a Texas thing) to be eating and drinking and making so much merry. Maybe, we might think, we should feel just a little bad about overdoing it the year before. Maybe there’s a way to do better in the upcoming year. After all, with the holiday season comes the end of the year and the chance for a fresh start.
So, all across the country (and probably the world, but I’ll narrow the band a bit for the sake of ease), millions upon millions of New Year’s resolutions will be made. People will resolve to lose weight, to gain weight, to spend less, to love more, to do and not to do. It’s a cornucopia of conversion with solemn vows to be somehow better in the New Year.
By the end of the first week, I tend to doubt the vast majority of those who have pledged to change something in their ways can even remember what the resolution was in the first place, much less actually followed through with it.
Is this a bad thing? I’m not sure.
Resolutions are all well and good. In theory, making a resolution is a positive thing. It acknowledges there is a deficiency in one’s life or a way to improve a personal situation. It’s that whole first-of-12-steps thing (you know – denial is not a river in Egypt. It’s a so-very modern deal). Once you can identify a problem area and begin to take steps to improve, then you should be well on your way to a more positive year. So, then why do so many resolutions go unfulfilled?
Maybe it’s because a lot of the people who make the resolutions go into them without the realization that it takes effort and commitment to complete the resolution. Or, maybe it’s because a lot of folks who make the resolutions don’t understand that they’re actually promising to make a life change.
Remember, I’m no psychiatrist (or is it psychologist? I always get the two confused). I’m not trained in sifting through the inner workings of the mind. I’m no Dr. Phil (and there’s a whole different soap box). I’m just a guy making observations here – for whatever they are worth.
At first, I planned to make a resolution not to make any resolutions. However, the logic problem hit me immediately. It’s like going up to someone and saying,” Can I ask you a question?” If that person says yes, then you’re question is used up. You’ll have to ask another question to get at any of the information you may have wanted in the first place. Likewise, resolving to make no resolutions is making a resolution which is what you had tried to resolve not to do in the first place (take a breath here). It’s a moebius strip of endless conundrums.
Instead, I’m planning to make no other resolutions. Resolutions are good things in and of themselves; but, I want to make life changes. I would love to drop about 20 pounds, but I’ll have to eat a bit less and move a bit more. I would really like to get more sleep at night, but that would mean curtailing my writing so that one’s not going to happen.
Resolutions aren’t gong to change my life. Promising to give up this or that is not going to make me happier or any better of a person. To me, communication is more important. Talking and –underline and bold this one – listening are the keys to becoming a better person. There are people in everyone’s life who are important. Talk to those people and get their suggestions on where you might improve.
With my writing, I’m the worst editor. I can’t see my mistakes because everything makes sense to me. If there are any gaps, I’ve already filled them in because I know what I’m talking about. However, if I give it to someone else, that person can see the holes in my story and can give me ideas on how to fix them. Writing is a collaborate process made stronger and better by open communication.
In a similar way, life is the ultimate collaboration. Your life is enriched by the people around you. Listen to what they have to say. A lot of times, you may not see your flaws or strengths because they are just you. Those closest to you, if there is a truly strong relationship built on mutual trust and respect, can help enhance your strengths and give you suggestions on ways to mitigate any flaws. Your life is your own, but how sad it would be if it’s just you living it in a vacuum.
Enjoy the holiday season. Eat, drink and be merry. Remember those who are not so fortunate. Pause a moment and thank everyone who has given his or her life so you can be where you are and enjoying your revelry. When it comes time on the evening December 31 to talk about your resolutions for 2008, ask why resolutions are important and whether you really want to give up this or that. If you want, you can go ahead and resolve to stop smoking or resolve to watch less television. Neither of those resolutions is a bad thing and actually following through would be great. Do you think that would make a greatly positive difference in your life in 2008 and beyond?
Or, do you want to make a silent promise to yourself to make a lasting change by learning from and listening to your nearest and dearest? Just a thought…
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