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JalapeƱo poppers: The passive-aggressive shared bathroom version of a tactical nuke. I am become death, the destroyer of nostrils. about 10 hours ago from web |
I thought names for pot like "Kryptonite" was cute until my dealer pointed out Superman passed out in the corner with permanent marker face. about 15 hours ago from web |
In honor of the huge full moon I'm going to watch Teen Wolf and drink tons of Coors Light. Don't forget to tie me down or I'll kill again. about 15 hours ago from web |
Going to Oakland & I'm trying to remember shot count rules:
One shot = Hello Whitey!
Two shots = I Don't Know You!
Three shots = Come Back! about 16 hours ago from web |
I don't think I could play Battle Flag by the Lo Fidelity Allstars loud enough to do it justice. My THX sound system is still too inadequate about 17 hours ago from web |
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Listing Paris Hilton as my emergency contact on this job application for McDonald's. What?! I know people. about 19 hours ago from web |
I was taking people into this alley to sell them this handgun, but they keep paying me just to look at the business end of it. What weirdos. about 20 hours ago from web |
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The optimist sees the glass half full, the pessimist half empty, while I just see two girls halfway done licking shit out of a cup. about 21 hours ago from web |
The crazy man on the corner with 'The End Is Near' sign changed it to 'Close Your Eyes! The Stimulus Package Is Coming!' about 22 hours ago from web |
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Tonight's Secret Millionaire is such a load of horse shit. He moved like 5 blocks away and acts like it's a war zone. SF ain't that big. 8:11 PM Dec 11th from web |
I have taken to blatantly plagiarizing job postings by simply putting my name at the top and submitting them as my resume. Still no luck. 4:29 PM Dec 11th from web |
The job interview was a disaster because I mistakenly put 3 years of experience in something called 'Flaming Duck' when they needed 5 years. 4:21 PM Dec 11th from web |
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