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How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? |
The universe is expanding. That should help ease the traffic. |
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. |
I'm thinking about buying a plasma television in case I need a blood transfusion. |
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. |
I bought a new camera. It's very advanced. You don't even need it. |
My nephew has HDHDTV -- High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it unbelievably clear. |
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. |
Why are the pictures square if the lens is round? |
When I get real bored, I drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving. |
I have a map of the United States... actual size. It says, "Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile." I spent last summer folding it. |
Sometimes I... No, I don't. |
I think it's wrong only one company makes the game Monopoly. |
I bought a new iPod. It can either hold 5,000 songs or one telephone message from my mother. |
I'm a peripheral visionary. |
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start. |
You know, the earth is bipolar. |
Is "tired old cliche" one? |
I asked my girlfriend is she's ever had sex with a woman. She said "no." I said "you should try it, it's fun." |
I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving. |
