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Today's 2-Part Personal Tragedy: 1) Spontaneously remembering the Friends theme song; 2) Realizing how many of the lyrics apply to my life. |
@abigvictory I hope it's illustrated. @detweiler's children's book is. |
@gretchasketch Whereas my book for children will be called "I Love You Sometimes." |
@Tony_D When I feel like that, I watch Lifetime. Nothing cheers me up like seeing Meridith Baxter get chased through a parking garage. |
Either I need to find another freelance project or develop a taste for these ramen & syrup sandwiches. |
Thanks, everyone, for your gift suggestions. You're clearly better at this than I am, save for the person who recommended a chinchilla. |
Trying to buy a Christmas gift for a 3 year old. What do kids like? Puzzles? Bourbon? Matches? |
Dear Elton John: I just stepped into Christmas. Now how can I get it off my shoe? |
Three hours of Belle & Sebastian is too much. Hello, Poison Control Center? I've overdosed on twee. Please send Henry Rollins immediately. |
@johnroderick Something like that. Also my sunglasses weren't big enough. |
@johnroderick Huh. I got fired by an ad agency for the same reason. |
SPOILER ALERT: http://i34.tinypic.com/255s... |
How do rappers get shit done on cough syrup? I took too much NyQuil last night and fell asleep while trying to lick my own hair. |
If it's not supposed to go on your mucous membranes, why do they call it an "analgesic"? Related Question: How long will this burning last? |
My grandma's bday is today & she said she just wants the Cowboys to shut up & play ball. Actually she said peace on earth, but close enough. |
I do feel awful but I'm not going to the doc unless I run a fever, start bleeding from the ears, or get aroused by a Wal-Mart commercial. |
No, I didn't just take my dog's paws and dance him around the living room singing Harold Melvin's "The Love I Lost". Never. No-no-never. |
Sick & whiny today. Wish someone would come over, cook some soup, sing acoustic versions of Robyn Hitchcock songs & pay my Visa balance. |
@johnroderick Well, damn. Freelancer/sometimes comic, latest 20s, success never responds to my emails. Instead of a baby, I want pancakes. |
If Zeus really wanted to punish Sisyphus, he would've skipped the rock shit & given him an eternity of trying to clean up after a boxer pup. |
