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Spunk ransom! When is it NOT appropriate to have a Twilight-induced giggle? http://twurl.nl/14i60b |
It's patently obvious I'm not the better half. The dishes aren't washed, the dogs aren't fed, I'm not packed. But I'm updating my Twitter. |
@adtothebone You aren't the first to ponder. http://twitter.com/mayjah/s... |
http://twitpic.com/se3w - Buy the mirror doors recommended by 4 out of 5 exotic dancers! |
It's a damn shame my husband isn't here. This lunatic moon was made for bad behavior. |
@luckyshirt I must admit, jet-packs are pretty stellar. If he had an XL bubble tea he could have kicked that sand pit's ass. |
@1Indie_nation INORITE? Shut the place down! They did have loca though, cause I went batshit crazy on their asses. |
You can see how crazy it made me because I switched from SHE to HER. In reality it should have been BITCH: No boba. |
Scene: BobaLoca. SHE: We're out of boba. ME: NO BOBA?! HER: No boba. ME: So I drove across town for plain tea, is what you're telling me. |
♫ Bu-ka-kke! Gotta catch-em all! ♫ |
@abigvictory I thought all the bukakke talk was just flagrant hint dropping. #twittersecret |
Terrible day. That is all. |
@phyllisstein Are you taking about the bear nativity when you Google images? I didn't picture you as a bear lover. Wait, what? |
@shortyawards I nominate @Moltz for a Shorty Award in #isdoingitwrong because humans like awards. This proves I'm human. |
Think before buying inflatable Xmas decorations. Deflated all day, it looks like the entire North Pole is suffering from whiskey dick. |
@leftbrainstupid You make it out like I tricked you? Cute! The truth of me having to marry a mortal to save the planet isn't nearly as cool. |
Pre Shorty Awards Twitter felt like high school. Now its actual high school with a heart-dotted i. I'm tweeting this from my TrapperKeeper. |
@dvsjr Is that why he's always coming up with some cockamamie excuse to climb under my desk? (I just needed an excuse to say cockamamie) |
@strutting I had no idea the secret ingredients in the Colonel's secret recipe were Wet & Wild mascara, Loves Baby Soft and Ugg lint. Crazy! |
Finally inspired to attack this huge project I've been avoiding for years. I plan to drink and flip channels until the madness passes. |
