Saddest thing I saw today: Grass, trying desperately, to grow underneath six inches of snow. Poor grass. about 5 hours ago from web |
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I don't feel like being funny today. Or for a while. Make up your own shitty joke. Pretend I said it. Then pretend to fav it. Satisfied? 8:13 PM Dec 12th from web |
"Steven, I don't think most people do a lot of the things you do." Wonderful compliment or grievous insult? 3:15 PM Dec 11th from web |
Really? Did my tweet about masturbating really cost me two followers? WE ALL DO IT! Beat your meat with pride! (Women don't masturbate...) 12:00 PM Dec 11th from web |
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This is the first time I've ever been frantically refreshing my inbox waiting for an email from a professor who is not totally hot. 9:43 PM Dec 10th from web |
Is there anything better than being naked masturbating in front of your street-facing picture window? 9:38 PM Dec 10th from web |
I am going to make a great President: "Mr. Orr, the country is in crisis. We're screwed!" "...Well shit. Make out sessions for everyone!" 3:45 PM Dec 10th from web |
I just invited my girlfriend to play World of Warcraft with me. She hasn't stop laughing yet 11:02 PM Dec 9th from web |
What did I do to deserve having every ex pop into my life for a quick update? Did I accidentally run over Mother Teresa? Cut me some slack! 8:37 PM Dec 8th from web |
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So, there was a party at my place yesterday. Since when did I become cool enough for that? 4:31 PM Dec 7th from web |
If you walk away from four years of University and are still the same person, you Fucking did it wrong! 1:44 PM Dec 6th from txt |
Argument last night: "If you have 3 counts of 3rd Degree Murder, you are charged with 9th Degree Murder. Basic math, SHESH!" I am a fun guy. 12:51 PM Dec 6th from web |
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Dear Twitter: This week sucks. Fix it? Please... Thank you, Steve. 12:15 PM Dec 6th from web |
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