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My torso's naked profile looks like snoopy. |
When I have a headache my funny slows down.
But my bitchy? My bitchy does not slow down. |
Being poor is ruining peanut butter sandwiches for me. |
@whlteXbread HEY! You want a card or not, buddy? |
Ok people. Anyone who wants to email me their address will receive a christmas card from me. I'm in the mood to spread some fucking cheer. |
My first car was purchased by my father, soon annexed by my mother, and eventually it burst into flames by the side of a highway in Wyoming. |
I'm an expert in traditional photographic techniques who OFTEN bashes digital, and I just used flickr's 'picnik' on a phonecam photo. (sigh) |
I used my 900th tweet to make a joke Eddie Izzard already made. |
@texburgher I've never used a migraine headache to make pancakes...do they taste of chicken? |
@THE_REAL_SHAQ We're right here, silly. |
Note to self: "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield |
I am magic. I took alpaca and made warm. http://tinyurl.com/6epnfs |
I want a machine that will somehow remove every piece of outside/work clothing and replace it with cozy yoga pants & a t-shirt in 8 seconds. |
@FanEffingTastic My mother duct taped my brother to a chair. Seeing someone do the peepee dance while stuck to a chair is pretty damn funny. |
When I drink too much water, I imagine a tiny boat holding intrepid mini adventurers fighting to maintain control while it sloshes around. |
There is a joke that starts "do you think seven..." but I can't seem to finish it so here: Do you think seven? Please now let it stop. |
Having M&Ms for breakfast. Looking forward to a trip to the emergency room for a lovely lunch of insulin. |
My cat can't force me to play with him, so he just whines like a three year old which is lame because he's, like, totally almost seven. |
@gotophilk Even "Exile on Main St." Sorry, man. |
@gotophilk I like The Who, I enjoy Bowie, Queen, I do love me some rock and roll. I've tried to like the Stones. But I don't. I HATE THEM. |
