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Txt from mom:"do u want to make rude goldberg over xmas?" That sounds fun. A really complicated way to be an ass. |
If this homework was Project Runway, Tim would have long since given up "make it work" and instead tell me to "just leave now" |
I think my schools wifi network is cobbled together from old microwave ovens, slinkys and chewing gum. |
Next week is the week before finals and OH GOD KILL ME!!! |
Look, you have lattes. I have sexual favors. I don't understand why you decided to involve the police. |
A biochemical reaction occurs when you chew fruit flavored gum that makes it taste like shoes after a minute. |
"Always carry a backup set of headphones, in case yours crap out." ~Probably Mother Teresa |
We finally got a new dryer so it doesn't sound like we're murdering Wall•e everytime we do the laundry. |
It's so embarrassing when I stick my headphone jack into the microphone port and my laptop tells me "Wrong hole." It really kills the moment |
If you keep extending deadlines and postponing quizzes, we'll never take you seriously. Let me tell you the story of the boy who cried wolf. |
Yes, I did just download two artists beginning with 'A' so Alanis Morissette wasn't the first thing to appear in iTunes. Leave me alone. |
I lent my car to my sister for three days. She returned it with a full tank of gas and a trunk that smells like dog vomit. |
Is the final draft supposed to improve on the rough draft? Because I am seeing a marked decline in quality. |
My roommate, who pays the electric bill, has a Draconian light's policy, but is a libertarian with regards to the heater. |
This Thanksgiving, I continued the tradition of not doing homework until the Sunday before it is due, just like the Pilgrims. |
See, the magic of internet video is I can replay it myself. Any video that repeats with a slow motion shot gets one star. |
Misread Twister as Twitter in the store. An easy mistake as they are both sexually charged games where people think they're popular. |
Charter customer service tactics: up sell, insult, up sell, harass, belittle, up sell. |
Hello Leftover Pizza. We meet again... for the last time! |
hey thanks for making everything due before thanksgiving now i'm delerious on caffeine and no sleep and i'm ready to fucking punch someone |
