Donald Sutherland's hair looks like that of a shih tzu that's frolicked thru mud....and it's on his lip. 3:30 PM Dec 12th from txt |
Waiter: u might have more fun if u move upstairs to the group. Me: I hate people. Waiter: oh...sorry 1:28 PM Dec 7th from txt |
I just realized that if I were to leave a suicide note, it could only be "lol" 2:35 PM Dec 3rd from web |
Can someone write me a virus to send the BCS computers? I'm looking for the digital version of a kick in the beanbag. 12:41 PM Dec 1st from web |
I'm dressed like a hobo on black Fri & am being treated like tyra in the fat suit. Touché world. 1:14 PM Nov 28th from txt |
How can other countries hate us when we have a formal presidential ceremony for pardoning turkeys on thxgiving? We're cool, right? 1:59 PM Nov 26th from txt |
|
Gentlemen: under no circumstances put on jeans from the trunk of ur car...parked in Chi winter. Really. Don't. 6:57 PM Nov 22nd from txt |
athletes should pay celebrities to choreograph their celebrations. that one's on the house, NFL. 7:39 PM Nov 17th from web |
|
Stranger said "sorry" when they heard my voice like I had a disability. I'm a vegas cliché. 2:51 PM Nov 16th from txt |
Lady luck let me get to second, but this morning I confirmed her phone # was a fake. 10:32 AM Nov 15th from txt |
|
ok, I solved the homeless problem. Make them hybrid cab drivers. You're welcome world. 9:27 AM Nov 14th from txt |
Professional hilight of day: raised hand while someone was talking (&talking) so they'd stop... It worked. 4:19 PM Nov 12th from txt |
dear barack, stop asking for money. it's on you now, playa. love, saneel 9:50 AM Nov 10th from web |
Sitting next to Malcolm gladwell. Considering challenging him to a debate. Any subject recos? 11:23 AM Nov 8th from txt |
"you look like a guy that can judge if a girl wants to pee in that bathroom" ain't a compliment. 10:22 PM Nov 7th from txt |
I didn't realize NEone ever showed up at someone's house half an hour b4 party except in The Office 4:48 PM Nov 5th from txt |
The National is playing as soundtrack at Obama rally. Off to a gr8 presidency 8:42 PM Nov 4th from txt |