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My phone's ringtone is now Robert singing "Fart fart fart farrrrrrt!" I'm very proud. |
@Mom101 Hate it, especially since it's become customary to say it with finger quotes. |
@Mir Hey, don't mock the Virile Stud shoes. That royalty stream is buying me a lot of top-shelf liquor. |
Be-tied, be-suited, and besotted. |
Also: I feel like Romulus and/or Remus. |
A new ceiling tile in my office has a white plastic protuberance that looks like a large nipple. And suddenly, I think I want a milkshake. |
Me: Mama's gonna go shake her truck tonight." Robert: "Truck means butt, right?" |
My phone's GPS says I'm currently in the middle of the Harlem River. Perhaps an alternate me has run afoul of the mob. |
Robert: "In recess, we like to play 'Spy on the Girls,' so we can steal their power and upgrade ours." Me: "Good luck with that." |
@mublogger Sloane. I mean, good Gawd, y'all. |
Helpful hint: If you're battling insomnia, watching "Brazil" isn't exactly the best way to calm your nerves. |
Anyone who argues that all matter is finite has never steam-cleaned a rug. |
Spent the day at an outlet mall. Am Xmasaturated. |
Mom pretended she left the pecan pie at home. Now I have to call my lawyer and cancel the emancipation hearing. |
Citigroup is about to be saved, and my 401k is now worth 1.5 toasters. |
Lucky pants worked again! And lo, a full-fledged superstition was born. |
First workout in 6 weeks! I want to kiss everyone, as soon as they stop vibrating. |
As a former Citigroup employee, I'm wondering whether to cash in my 401k and buy a toaster. |
@mublogger absltly. They bonk all over the house and pour liquor on each other. It helps to have a thing for Rene Russo, I spose. |
Can you get ADD in your forties? There's so much going on, that I can't concentrate enough to finish anythi |
