A guy dressed as Santa just said "what's up, baby?" to me. I challenge you to ruin the magic of Christmas in fewer words than that. about 15 hours ago from twitterrific |
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Booking tickets to Aruba with my boyfriend! He's excited to be in the sun; I'm excited to hunt for Natalee Holloway. 7:13 PM Dec 11th from twitterrific |
google's frighteningly accurate search suggestions can't be helping all the paranoid schizophrenics out there. 8:50 PM Dec 9th from web |
sometimes IT advice sounds like the lead-up to an insult. "no, YOU clear your cache, asshole!" 7:01 AM Dec 9th from web |
Carefully peeling a cucumber and then accidentally dropping it in the trash is the culinary equivalent of a case of the Mondays. 8:04 PM Dec 8th from twitterrific |
Hey, all-natural food companies: including "pure love" in your list of ingredients doesn't make me want to buy your product more. 11:10 AM Dec 8th from twitterrific |
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happy for my lactose-intolerant friends that they can see the movie "Milk" with no gastrointestinal consequences. 11:21 AM Dec 6th from web |
which one of santa's elves will be tasked with explaining the difference between naughty, nice, and recession-year-nice? 11:28 AM Dec 4th from web |
Nothing feels as powerless as those terrifying seconds when you know someone is about to put the pen they borrowed from you in their mouth. 9:28 AM Dec 3rd from twitterrific |
tore cartilage in my knee. doctor's forbidden me from going dancing, among other activities. clubbers: your long nightmare is finally over. 4:49 PM Dec 1st from web |
Had my palm read for the hell of it. Psychic and I both gasped when I took off my glove, revealing a smudge of dirt on my palm. I'm cursed! 7:19 PM Nov 30th from twitterrific |
drowning out the holiday music from the xmas tree seller across the street by turning on the radio- which is also playing holiday music. 3:54 PM Nov 30th from web |
It's nice when "it's the most wonderful time of the year" plays in hot, overcrowded, loud places. No, really- that's very nice. 6:47 AM Nov 29th from twitterrific |
Accidentally bought sheets that are too big. My bed looks like it's suffering from a medical condition featured on Discovery Health channel. 9:06 PM Nov 25th from twitterrific |
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some day, i will actually put soy sauce instead of balsamic vinegar on my salad on purpose. then who will be laughing, cafeteria? THEN WHO? 11:05 AM Nov 25th from web |
the drugstore had a big sign that said "prescriptions in rear" and i laughed a little too hard for a sober girl in her mid-twenties. 8:46 PM Nov 24th from web |
god, i'm so tired. almost as tired as after that time i spent hours trying to explain Julia Allison to my parents. 2:05 PM Nov 23rd from web |