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You know it's winter in LA when: People complain about the unbearable cold, realize it's 55 degrees, apologize for mistakenly feeling cold. |
The Bronx Beat sketch on SNL always makes me weirdly homesick. I guess soon enough I'll have plenty of mouthy Italian ladies shouting at me |
Even 8 minutes into Revolutionary Road, feel pretty confident declaring it "Shoutiest Movie of the Year." And yes, you can pullquote that. |
I see what I did there. |
I've always been grateful that Tim Burton resisted that studio note to try Edward Lawnmowerknees instead. |
Screaming at the screen doesn't influence the results of college basketball games, but frustrated air-punch dances in front of TV work. |
Announcer hawking World at War DVDs is entirely too excited about "bonechilling eyewitness footage of the Nazis' bloody rise and fall." |
Looks like the dead octogenarian in the bathroom stall cost me a handful of followers. Ain't that always the way? |
@Nastinchka Yeah, leaning d). Only slightly messier than b). |
OK, will add choice d) dump huge bag of lye over the stall wall, wait for body to dissolve, then call janitor to clean up gooey remains. |
Poll: If boss dies while on office toilet, how to retrieve body? a) Jaws of life to free from stall b) pull out by ankles c) crawl under. |
F/u to f/u: Thankfully, he did not die on my watch. Though I had a couple of scares where loud fake-coughing was needed to get a response. |
F/u to prev tweet: I was often asked to check the restroom when the old boss took too long "reading the mail." To listen for signs of life. |
@smoakes An elderly ex-boss used to take the day's mail into the bathroom with him. If you went in, you'd see it spread on the stall floor. |
Pandora Radio is like what iTunes Shuffle would be if it weren't a total dick who's always trying to mock you with your poor music decisions |
Anyone else notice that Alan Colmes is the spitting image of William Fichtner? Half the MOW is pre-cast if something bad happens to Hannity. |
Wow, that last tweet was stupid even by my own impossibly low standards. (Probs should have saved it for Tumblr.) |
So close to making it to my goal of 24 hours without tweeting. Pretty sure I can get there, guys. What? Oh, crap. Maybe tomorrow? |
Think "Secret Asshole" might be more compelling TV--rich people infiltrate charities and take the do-gooders down from the inside. |
Feel strangely powerful now that the Mayor is following me. It's a rush to know I can get 140 characters directly to his most bored staffer. |
