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The unspoken rule in wig shops is when you're trying on the wigs and a car drives by, you pretend to be a mannequin. |
So, @allgrownup is visiting. Two poultry truck accidents happened in her town recently. I think she's here hiding from the fuzz. |
I bent over to grab my shoes, coughed, and threw up in my husband's shoe. Counting the cats, that makes 3/4 of the house that's done that. |
Top Chef's background music sounds like porn background music, and it makes me feel confused when I watch the show. Or eat. Or have sex. |
Woke up early, thought I was blind, freaked out. Turns out the sun doesn't rise until later. I learn something new every damn day. |
Remember before the internet, when we had to go outside in the flesh-burning sunlight to interact with other people? That was weird. |
Couldn't sleep, kept tossing and turning last night. By time I woke up, I looked like I was ready to co-star in "Ernest Builds A Meth Lab." |
I hate it when he pisses me off and then I scream, "WELL I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY," and he goes, "Aw, thanks, I hope you're happy, too, baby!" |
We're each on our last pair of underwear. Thus begins our biweekly game of laundry chicken. |
Smirnoff: Detroit's morning beverage |
On a sidenote, my gamertag is infinitely original: shoesonwrong. So feel free to add me. |
Only thing lamer than the Xbox360 is having a 360 and no friends on it. Which brings me to my point: anyone here want to be my Xbox friend? |
Cousin, 25 with a $750k home, visited me, kept saying, "The apartment is tiny like on TV!" Welcome to the middle class. Tours on the hour. |
"You smell like fresh baked bread."
"I got your bread stick RIGHT HERE, BABY."
"Why do you make it hard to love you?"
"It's my super power." |
So I spent part of my afternoon in the tub, eating a granola bar and singing songs from The Little Mermaid. Like your day is so thrilling. |
I hate food with distant expiration dates. It makes me envision myself eating it in a bomb shelter after Bush nukes something by accident. |
Add "butt smells like parmesan" to the list with "methamphetamine testicle pain." List is: Things I Wish My Blog Wasn't A Search Result For. |
Took a few days off Twitter, thinking, "Those wankers won't notice." Turns out, you wankers do notice. |
@dani3boyz My brain has been on the fritz along with my funny, I think. I keep waiting for brilliance to strike. :) |
Holiday drinking is like the Boston Marathon. You think you can do it, but unless you've trained all year, you end up bent over and heaving. |
