I bet I'd save a lot of time in the morning if I could get coffee to flow from my shower head. 6:50 AM Dec 5th from web |
The very 1st sip of soup & somehow I've already burnt all my taste buds & can taste nothing? How is that even poss...Oh! It's low sodium. 7:06 PM Dec 4th from web |
We need a word for the frantic yet fruitless pocket-seeking arm movement the post-hoodie wearer does, now assuming all shirts have pouches. 12:14 PM Dec 4th from web |
More annoying than the bridge that leads to nowhere are the damn ellipsis that lead to nowhere. Mine lead to "9:15am". 8:30 AM Dec 4th from web |
When you call@ 8am I assume you're dying. Pls try not to do these things until >9am. Also good to note that my responsiveness begins@ ... 8:28 AM Dec 4th from web |
Watching that show abt gays in the military:RudolphTheRed-NosedReindeer. Don't ask,don't tell abt my nose. It's red&I'm pretty damn capable. 8:17 PM Dec 3rd from web |
WMDs(room temp sushi left out 2 b shared/kill us all)in lunchroom. Will terrorists stop at nothing?! Why do you hate my freedom,sushisharer? 1:41 PM Dec 3rd from web |
Hole in the hallway floor dwarfs the sign that warns about not stepping/falling into said hole in the hallway floor.Stay tuned for hilarity. 10:09 AM Dec 3rd from web |
First troubling thought of the morning: "If work wants me, they're going to have to come get me." 6:19 AM Dec 3rd from web |
The single latex glove outside my window? I choose ignorance. 6:17 PM Dec 2nd from web |
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Rather than deleting, I may save all my spam mail and send it to my travel agent, asking her to thematically base my next vacation on it. 10:33 AM Dec 2nd from web |
Early mission in my pjs to smuggle health forms into HR so they'd arrive "yesterday"& I'd get a discount. Poverty + insanity= crafty awesome 7:53 AM Dec 2nd from web |
Flexible Benefits Plan, you needed a 20 min survey to determine I'm stressed? Relaxation techniques? Sure, get over here & let me punch you. 5:26 PM Dec 1st from web |
StomachProtectiveServices is going to come take mine away from me. After the Tgiving gorging, stomach just requested fast food& I said sure. 1:40 PM Dec 1st from web |
Lazy typing or subconscious becoming progressively less sub? Emails I've sent thus far today include: "Hell there" and "This looks goo." 10:07 AM Dec 1st from web |
In a coffee shop sitting, caffeinating, & mentally mocking ppl's drink orders while I wait for my fave marathon runners. This is exhausting. 9:07 AM Nov 30th from txt |
Cell down to one bar. Can't find charger. Send energy. Running out of arrrghhhhh 7:34 PM Nov 29th from txt |
Carbs teamed up with tupperware for Thanksgiving Round II. We didn't stand a chance. 11:43 PM Nov 28th from txt |
Mom's coworker is a balloon holder in Macy's Day Parade. He's helping restrain the cornucopia. 10:33 AM Nov 27th from txt |