I fear that Twitter may be causing us to stockpile our rich natural resource of clever retorts. Get out and use them, people! 12:29 PM Dec 11th from twitterrific |
I have failed to demonstrate basic competence in the kitchen. Laura just expressed amazement that I was able to make Jell-O all by myself. 8:58 PM Dec 9th from twitterrific |
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This Hallmark store's selection of "Congratulations on Entering the U.S. Coast Guard" cards in Braille is shockingly poor. 1:56 PM Dec 3rd from Tweetie |
Yes, Whole Foods. Tell me I'm eating "Creme Brulee French Toast." If you can pretend I'm not eating half a pound of bread pudding, so can I. 10:40 AM Dec 2nd from Tweetie |
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I've received a lot of feedback on my last tweet, and I wanted to apologize... for leaving the Federal Reserve off my list of pigfuckers. 9:27 AM Nov 24th from twitterrific |
Dear President-Elect Obama: Okay, I don't care about that Hope and Change stuff, as long as you get rid of those pigfuckers at Treasury. 8:52 AM Nov 24th from Tweetie |
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Through this device I hold in my hand, I can see all the world's knowledge collected in one place... and, hopefully, found here on twitter. 11:03 AM Nov 20th from Twinkle |
So Ted Stevens is all clear to attend jail, now that he is no longer required in the Senate. Thanks for clearing his calendar, Alaskans! 6:25 PM Nov 18th from twitterrific |
Dear Co-worker: When I use the phrase "buddy boy" in email, I of course mean "my esteemed colleague of many years". Sorry for any confusion. 6:59 PM Nov 17th from twitterrific |
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Handy tip for out-of-towners: When someone in Los Angeles tells you they're in show business, ask them if it's porn. Y'know... to clarify. 8:24 PM Nov 16th from twitterrific |
I hate to say it, but when the wildfires in Los Angeles kick up, the whole place smells like the most delicious outdoor smokehouse BBQ ever. 10:14 PM Nov 15th from twitterrific |
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California, of course, is a disappointment. We had a chance to wrest the "Gayest State Ever" title from Massachusetts and we blew it. 9:05 AM Nov 5th from twitterrific |
I have never been prouder of my country than I am right now.
Well, okay, the invention of the Baconator was a close second. 8:46 AM Nov 5th from TwitterBerry |