I'm eating a hamburger in a hotel room in the Tenderloin! This is not how I expected my evening to go! 7:39 PM Dec 5th from Tweetie |
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Morning surprise 1: driving Nic around to look for his car. Morning surprise 2: bringing Nic to the police impound lot to look for his car. 9:57 AM Dec 4th from Tweetie |
Hey, delivery guy! Yelling my roommate's name into the intercom repeatedly is NOT a good way of getting me to buzz you into the building! 11:33 AM Dec 3rd from twitterrific |
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Phone autocorrected "broccoli rabe" to "broccoli rave." So, my Thanksgiving sides are going to be interesting... PLUR! 11:57 AM Nov 26th from twitterrific |
Apparently I no longer know how to chop vegetables? I might as well cut off a finger now to prevent it happening by accident later. 7:11 PM Nov 24th from twitterrific |
I am NOT sharing the road with the asshole on the skateboard wearing a pink dress shirt. Not not not! FUCKING DIVISADERO 3:26 PM Nov 20th from NatsuLiphone |
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Spearment Stride gum: Tastes like the marshmallows from Lucky Charms and farts. My oral fixation is not my friend today. 3:03 PM Nov 19th from twitterrific |
Periodicals: NYT and New Yorker stay. Bye bye, Esquire. Hello, Atlantic Monthly. Fuck you, Harper's. I decided all this under anesthesia! 11:44 AM Nov 19th from twitterrific |
My prep work is done: Six bottles Gatorade, two liters Smart Water, three rolls toilet paper. Time to go to the bathroom! 4:02 PM Nov 17th from twitterrific |
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Too stupid to live: When the burrito lady gave me my change after I paid, I loudly blurted out "HELLO" instead of "Thank you." 2:40 PM Nov 10th from twitterrific |
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Ah, fuck it. If that's is the way it's gonna be, I'd rather just vote for banning ALL marriage until we get it right. NO CAKE FOR ANYONE. 1:03 PM Nov 5th from twitterrific |
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