Hey there! DieLaughing is using Twitter.
Twitter is a free service that lets you keep in touch with people through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing? Join today to start receiving DieLaughing's updates.
|
@echuckles What if I donated a bunch of recalled toys from China to the Toys4Tots program in the name of my local abortion clinic? Your move |
@alphex Everything is war. Sometimes poop is your only ammo. |
Jalapeño poppers: The passive-aggressive shared bathroom version of a tactical nuke. I am become death, the destroyer of nostrils. |
I thought names for pot like "Kryptonite" was cute until my dealer pointed out Superman passed out in the corner with permanent marker face. |
In honor of the huge full moon I'm going to watch Teen Wolf and drink tons of Coors Light. Don't forget to tie me down or I'll kill again. |
Going to Oakland & I'm trying to remember shot count rules:
One shot = Hello Whitey!
Two shots = I Don't Know You!
Three shots = Come Back! |
I don't think I could play Battle Flag by the Lo Fidelity Allstars loud enough to do it justice. My THX sound system is still too inadequate |
For those of your that believe that the full moon brings out the crazy in people, get ready for record bat shit wacko. http://cli.gs/4PBS4s |
Listing Paris Hilton as my emergency contact on this job application for McDonald's. What?! I know people. |
I was taking people into this alley to sell them this handgun, but they keep paying me just to look at the business end of it. What weirdos. |
@jpostman That's okay. I gots lots of bots. :) |
@jpostman Two more @shortyawards and I can make the first page results, thus securing my right to procreate with the alpha females. |
The optimist sees the glass half full, the pessimist half empty, while I just see two girls halfway done licking shit out of a cup. |
The crazy man on the corner with 'The End Is Near' sign changed it to 'Close Your Eyes! The Stimulus Package Is Coming!' |
Going to fall asleep tonight watching Serenity. |
@joshlewis I'm not sure. You are the first to mention it. |
Tonight's Secret Millionaire is such a load of horse shit. He moved like 5 blocks away and acts like it's a war zone. SF ain't that big. |
I have taken to blatantly plagiarizing job postings by simply putting my name at the top and submitting them as my resume. Still no luck. |
The job interview was a disaster because I mistakenly put 3 years of experience in something called 'Flaming Duck' when they needed 5 years. |
@toldorknown You've been waiting 450 followers for that tweet. Impressive stamina. |
