Our largest state is Alaska, which is 3 football fields long. Well, Alaskan football fields. Which are approximately 1/3 the size of Alaska. about 19 hours ago from web |
I like living in an older house. All this lead paint ensures that Superman can't watch me masturbate. 7:06 AM Dec 1st from web |
I don't care for the word "Ginormous". If you're going to make up a word, have it describe something we don't already have fifty words for. 7:29 AM Nov 29th from web |
Humans are the only mammals to cry tears. We're also the only mammal that seems to mind being kicked in the crotch. I see a correlation. 6:10 AM Nov 26th from web |
See, there's a very important distinction: An "ass" is a jerk by accident, but an "asshole" is a jerk on purpose. I try to just be an ass. 6:58 AM Nov 25th from web |
It is possible for two different species to produce offspring. So, in theory, a muffin and a cupcake could have a child. 8:11 AM Nov 21st from web |
Fingernails on a chalkboard don't bother me. It's when I find them on my salad that I get skeeved out. 10:02 AM Nov 20th from web |
Which is the more effective prayer: a Hail Mary recited mechanically, or one spoken from the heart, requesting that the car behind me crash? 7:47 AM Nov 19th from web |
If I were rebuilt by the OSI, I'd rather they spent $5m on my bionics, and left the other $1m for my leisure. I can get by with one arm. 5:20 AM Nov 18th from web |
Well... I made it to the funeral. I think I'm wearing a shirt and pants combo that doesn't work. Everyone is crying. 12:13 PM Nov 17th from web |
...so I said, "NOT ALL POEMS NEED TO RHYME, YOU DUMB BITCH!!!". Then security escorted me out. So now, I just use money to pay for things. 11:04 AM Nov 17th from web |