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The seriousness of poking his chest with my finger and calling him 'mister' is completely lost when he starts laughing at me. |
Fake smiles, forced joy. The office xmas party is just like your wedding except coworkers aren't secretly placing bets on your divorce date. |
Every *three* thousand miles? Huh. I was way off on that. |
Death by cognitive dissonance. It's not a thing, but it should be. |
My sister's kids, on the other hand, are being raised properly. Laaaiiid back. http://is.gd/b94n |
Natl Lampoon's Xmas Vacation is less funny now that I'm old enough to realize I'm the Eddy of my family. http://is.gd/b5JE Seriously. |
Christmas presents for my batshit evangelical brother's children? Science kits for the older kids, dinosaur pajamas for the baby. |
@timbray I will try that advice for both the shirt situation and the family issues. |
All I want for xmas is for my brother to not be an asshole to Mom. He'd like it if I weren't such a dick to Dad. Family is hard. |
Is there some sort of trick to tucking in a shirt? I've never done this before. |
We would win gold at Olympic synchronized snuggling. |
I will neither confirm nor deny that I ate the cookies I found in the xmas cookie jar. That's been in storage. For a year. |
Rhymin' and stealin' in a christmas state and I'll be trimmin' my tree all the way to Hell's gate. |
I waited all day to be asked about my evening plans so I could say SMOKIN AND DRINKIN ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. Though I don't actually do either. |
I may have taken the game a little too far when I grabbed my dick and said "oh my god that's the funky shit." |
Playing the game of using Beastie Boys lyrics in work conversations. Today I'm dropping the new science and kicking the new knowledge. |
Contents of my stomach: 1 bite of jalapeno pepper, 2 slices of bread, 4 glasses of milk. |
What's it called when you're stuck at a red light watching someone take the last available parking spot on your street? |
I remember when we used to mail tweets to our followers who would draw a star on the envelope and then mail it to the next follower. |
Wondering how long my pant leg has been stuck in my garish purple sock. |
