Txt from mom:"do u want to make rude goldberg over xmas?" That sounds fun. A really complicated way to be an ass. 7:39 PM Dec 10th from web |
If this homework was Project Runway, Tim would have long since given up "make it work" and instead tell me to "just leave now" 9:19 AM Dec 9th from web |
I think my schools wifi network is cobbled together from old microwave ovens, slinkys and chewing gum. 7:16 PM Dec 8th from web |
Next week is the week before finals and OH GOD KILL ME!!! 1:16 AM Dec 6th from web |
Look, you have lattes. I have sexual favors. I don't understand why you decided to involve the police. 7:50 PM Dec 5th from web |
A biochemical reaction occurs when you chew fruit flavored gum that makes it taste like shoes after a minute. 5:09 PM Dec 5th from web |
"Always carry a backup set of headphones, in case yours crap out." ~Probably Mother Teresa 11:47 AM Dec 5th from web |
We finally got a new dryer so it doesn't sound like we're murdering Wall•e everytime we do the laundry. 10:09 PM Dec 3rd from web |
It's so embarrassing when I stick my headphone jack into the microphone port and my laptop tells me "Wrong hole." It really kills the moment 1:48 PM Dec 3rd from web |
If you keep extending deadlines and postponing quizzes, we'll never take you seriously. Let me tell you the story of the boy who cried wolf. 9:38 PM Dec 2nd from web |
Yes, I did just download two artists beginning with 'A' so Alanis Morissette wasn't the first thing to appear in iTunes. Leave me alone. 8:00 PM Dec 2nd from web |
I lent my car to my sister for three days. She returned it with a full tank of gas and a trunk that smells like dog vomit. 9:37 PM Dec 1st from web |
Is the final draft supposed to improve on the rough draft? Because I am seeing a marked decline in quality. 12:13 PM Dec 1st from web |
My roommate, who pays the electric bill, has a Draconian light's policy, but is a libertarian with regards to the heater. 11:02 PM Nov 30th from web |
This Thanksgiving, I continued the tradition of not doing homework until the Sunday before it is due, just like the Pilgrims. 1:59 PM Nov 30th from web |
See, the magic of internet video is I can replay it myself. Any video that repeats with a slow motion shot gets one star. 3:11 AM Nov 29th from web |
Misread Twister as Twitter in the store. An easy mistake as they are both sexually charged games where people think they're popular. 4:56 PM Nov 24th from web |
Charter customer service tactics: up sell, insult, up sell, harass, belittle, up sell. 12:36 PM Nov 23rd from web |
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hey thanks for making everything due before thanksgiving now i'm delerious on caffeine and no sleep and i'm ready to fucking punch someone 10:58 AM Nov 21st from web |