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1WP Awards, Children's Division: "Why did you park the car so far _away_?" |
1WP Awards: Have to take the boys to a birthday party for a vegan kid today. Couscous is not an acceptable substitute for burgers, dude. |
First World Problem (1WP) Awards Nominee: My next-day-turnaround iPhone repair didn't fix the proximity sensor! |
I need to learn to talk to groups. Through the judicious use of nervous backpedaling, I manage to undermine my own opinions as I speak them. |
That empty textarea, the just-started word processor, a blank piece of paper -- holy shit! They're not obligations, they're _permission_! |
Actual Steps Taken Towards Personal Reinvention: I've defined this past year as "non-canon." |
Tom pointed out that Leia should have been called Queen as soon as Alderaan was destroyed. I can't decide if I'm proud or terrified. |
Actual Steps to Taken Towards Personal Reinvention: Park in space one over from usual spot. Feel vaguely discomfited about it. |
Actual Steps to Taken Towards Personal Reinvention: Tape stingingly appropriate mockery to wall in front of desk. |
I got my iPhone back from being repaired, and celebrated by losing my earbuds. I'm going to pay for this damned thing twice, aren't I? |
"I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror. The dollar menu is _so_ not worth it." |
On the box for "SnoreStop FastTabs," they note it has a "non-drowsy formula." |
I have never understood what, exactly, is intended by the phrase "balls to the wall." |
Didn't to talk to a pretty girl, because she was trying to get me to do something nice for children or the environment. Wow, I'm an asshole. |
"The Christmas [Article of Clothing]" formula: Child, dead parent, touchstone, epiphany. "The Christmas Crotchless Panties" will be HUGE. |
Saw an ad for Barak Obama commemorative plates yesterday. Boy, are _those_ non-overlapping demographics. |
I hope the surprise ending of Glenn Beck's "The Christmas Sweater" is that it's a fat guy climbing stairs. |
I ordered a steak burrito, but I think they filled it with little bits of leather instead. |
I think I'm in danger of only enjoying things ironically. |
A company of programmers produces code. A company of managers produces meetings. |
