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...Nominate me, gang. I've got Tom Bergeron angling for my job and this could totally make the difference... http://shortyawards.com/ |
...News leak from Chicago: The FBI managed to plant not one, not two, but three separate listening devices in Blago's luxuriant bouffant |
...Tonight, for the hour, it's the first post-arrest interview with Rod Blagojevich. How did I get him? Four words, gang: I made it rain |
...Monday it's Merlin Mann, who will rant about "f-ing cameras" in what I'm told is a "very meta" way until he's removed by Security |
...The kids seem to love the Canon 5D, but it's no match for what I use: An intern remembers everything I see, and describes it on demand |
...On tonight's show, I'll commit a felony while on the air and incoming AG Eric Holder will recommend my pardon-- live! Plus Tom Dreesen |
...I'm having a PA strap me in, as the @martinsargent effect is currently shaking the studio. Thanks, Marty: Love you on the ZDTV! |
...Thanks for remembering, @weirdsmobile & @nodleigh. Coming up on the show: Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson scares my boys Flax and WeHo |
...6 weeks of rest later, I'm back and feel fine. Apparently I had several heart attacks also. Thanks to Tom Bergeron for guesthosting! |
...Anyway, long story short: Dick, Joyce, Bob & Barry get me across the street to the ER where my doctor, the great Phil Lish, is waiting |
...Barry spots my head wound, blanches and passes out into Bob Urich's Cobb Salad. Bob sends the Cobb back. Demands a refund. True story |
...Well, who should we run into at Tana's but Barry Livingston from "My Three Sons." I think. I was flirting with unconsciousness by then |
...I was bleeding pretty badly, so Dick and his sister Joyce rushed me to Cedars in Dick's Karmann Ghia, with a quick stop at Dan Tana's |
...Turned out to be Dick's toupee. Fun fact: It's entirely fabricated from Kevlar -- the same kind Blackwater uses in Afghanistan! |
...I think we prank-called Kreskin and the very talented Miss Laine Kazan. Then I fell and hit my head on something hard |
...So where have I been, gang? Last thing I remember is Dick Van Patten showing up at the condo with a flat of Zima from Costco |
...When I talk to kids, I like to tell 'em anybody can grow up to be Vice President. But they never seemed to believe me 'til this year |
...Tuesday, it's CNN's Contessa Brewer. She'll be discussing her new book "ohmyGAWD it's the news!" |
...Halloween's coming, gang! My youngest, Stim, has been working on an absolutely terrifying Douglas Holtz-Eakin costume. Scary! |
...Wednesday on the show, it's my pal John McCain. He'll sputter incoherently until his head explodes. Plus songstress Julie Budd! |
