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Lately, most of our arguments end, "When you can wear a monocle, that's when you can wear my cape!" Damn fancy dog. |
@boxee Four minutes should do. Seven for safety. |
Oh, Boxee! Why are you telling my friends I watched_Brown Bunny? I only watched… the tip. So it doesn't count. Also, Head Case isn't horror.... |
I can't say I blame Sweetness for being excited to come home to me next week. I'm the guy that just invented Breakfast Ramen. |
I just made macaroni and cheese… IN THE MICROWAVE.
Don't be jealous, kid. That's just how I do. |
I'd invite you over but I'm beat and the dog just released a devastating fart.
…OR ARE THEY?!! |
Pro Tip: Mopping the sink does not save time. |
"Now heres a song… I'd like to dedicate… to all… the mini-skirts" - Otis Redding, _Try a Little Tenderness (Live)_ |
Cuz the Boyz in the Hood now have a mortgage… |
A car pulls up who can it be,
The nice neighbor lady with a recipe
She rolled down her window and started to say,
"My boy keeps playing GTA" |
Walkin' this bitch is my daily chore
+Washin' the dishes,
Moppin' the floor
Went to the yard to scoop the poop
shit's so nasty I had to puke |
Aphorism update 2008: Laying off Peter to pay Shareholder Paul. |
RIP @Mike_FTW's 5D |
What's it say about me that when someone famous dies, I obsess about the ad placement on their nytimes.com obit? |
In sports news, 13 yrs to the day after he was acquitted for murder, OJ Simpson accepted a 9-33 year scholarship to criminal college. Tom? |
Whatever shall I put into this old fashioned glass? |
The Christian alternatives to mainstream pop culture machine to embrace tween Christian vampire romance in 3…2…http://is.gd/apAA |
Do these tea bags make me look frat? |
I miss Black @zeldman… |
@hotdogsladies last tweet is even funnier when you realize that it's Jungian symbolism for "Eating some bean soup. Crazy day!" |
