keeps dreaming that Raven Symone is perching above my chamber door. 5:31 PM Nov 27th from web |
Day in the life of Sarah Palin. Wiped off lipstick. Ate from the dog dish. Dry humped leg. Got spayed. Attacked toddler (left earmarks). 4:05 AM Sep 23rd from web |
Turns out McCain wasn't lying about his tax cuts, he just misunderstood the question. He thought they said "facts cuts." He's for that. 3:09 AM Sep 17th from web |
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He just asked me when the last time I power cycled my computer, because MobileMe Mail's web app is currently unavailable. Seriously. 6:44 AM Aug 27th from web |
Oooh, this latest support representative is a feisty one. Bring back Kienan. I miss Kienan. 6:41 AM Aug 27th from web |
chatting with online MobileMe support representatives is my new favorite pastime. 6:23 AM Aug 27th from web |
Is it just me who keeps hoping to see Barack Obama and Joe Biden share an intimate, tender kiss on the lips? 6:48 PM Aug 23rd from web |
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Yao Ming's always been tall. 5'5" at age 10. When he was born, his mom had to be taken to the hospital in a limousine. 3:24 AM Aug 12th from web |
Winner of the 2008 "Terry Schiavo Look-alike" Award (of Excellence). 6:27 PM Aug 3rd from web |
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Preparing to talk to studio execs about a new reality show idea: Who Wants To Be My Maid? 2:17 AM Jul 10th from web |
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First Sydney Pollack dies, then Yves Saint Laurent, and now Bo Didley? These things really do happen in threes, don't they? 3:25 PM Jun 2nd from web |
Of course i don't support machine gun rampages at all. Not even at balloon twisting conventions, kids. 8:33 PM May 29th from web |
If i were to ever go on a machine gun rampage, it'd be at a balloon twisting convention. So much more noise! 8:33 PM May 29th from web |
I just recorded the most professional fucking outgoing message for my business. 907-260-6300. 7:59 PM May 25th from web |
You know that thing your penis does where it pees two streams at once? Mine just did that and hit both goddamn sides of the toilet seat. 1:49 AM May 23rd from web |