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Just saw the pilot doing coke in the bathroom. He did "here comes the airplane!" though, so you can tell he cares about his job. |
The middle-aged, overweight dance/ballet teacher. Cliché, stereotype, or archetype? |
Her: My vagina doesn't have a *personality*. Me: Sure it does. If you prick it, does it not bleed? Or even if you don't! |
I don't know what I like more; making these cheese sandwiches, or eating them. Or Batman. |
Her: "Malcolm Gladwell is *not* determining when our child is born." Me: "No. His _book_ is." |
Her: What is our rule about shtick in the morning?
Me: *Sigh* No shtick in the morning... |
Back from 'Role Models'. Elizabeth Banks is too pretty to be the lawyer. She'd be, like, an actress or som- Ohhhhhhhhhhh. |
McCain has eight houses, but none of them feel like home. It's just not the same without the bamboo. |
'Emotional IQ Test' foisted upon me by @clapifyoulikeme has revealed nothing. Maybe should have been more honest. About that hobo I killed. |
I sometimes wonder why all those pretty waitresses aren't doing something else. Then this one gets me Caesar, not Ranch, and I know. I know. |
Banging on roof next-door. No-one should build things before 11. I may expand this theory to cover hours 12, 1, 2, 3 and 4. ...And 5. |
Hey, you wanna buy a car? Company? |
Guys? Could a bunch of you follow @clapifyoulikeme, please? Seriously, she's withholding sex 'til she hits 300. Send help. |
If your name is Orville Redenbacher, you really only have 2 choices: sell popcorn, or make a wager to travel the globe in a blimp. |
Abby just balked at my mention of the "New" Testament. Or maybe it was my bacon sandwich. ...Or my swastika. |
It's the Transgender Day of Remembrance. I'm new and not sure what to do. Figure I'll just sit here and remember _really_ hard. |
Not gonna sweat my Wii Fit age. Everyone knows those tests are culturally biased. |
Yeah, there are people on TV.com arguing about Chief Wiggum's age, so don't you talk to _me_ about 'time management'. |
Apparently overweight women are more likely to become criminals. Explains why my bank's slogan is NO FAT CHICKS. |
I will be awarding bonus points to any journalist referring to the Somalian pirates as 'ne'er-do-wells', 'scallywags' or perhaps 'ruffians'. |
