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To you and me, a "wetnap" is a moist towelette. To @detweiler, it's, well, something entirely different. |
They're sending an away team down to Planet Monday, and I am the redshirt ensign. |
@aliciamariano I was being sarcastic. Besides, I couldn't get another TV home unless I took the Hummer, and I loaned that to the gardner. |
Look, I'm sorry I had to cut back my charity donations this year, but I needed the cash for a second 52" plasma TV for the guest bathroom. |
@texburgher What, your Twitter bio doesn't include "marketing" and "B2B" and "social media expert"? UNFOLLOW. |
@vmarinelli I wonder if people like that actually have any honest relationships at all, or whether they see even their spouses as "clients". |
@zeldman I clicked it. Oh dear holy mother of god, I clicked it. MAKE ME UNSEE IT. |
I made an *incredible* Thai green curry chicken soup for dinner.
I expect, however, that a violent tsunami will arrive in the morning... |
STAND BACK - I AM ABOUT TO MAKE SOUP! |
It's December 7th - isn't this the day Pearl Bailey sang at some harbor somewhere, or something? |
@superfantastic My next novel has five. Guess you won't be reading it. |
Every time one of those insipid Olive Garden commercials airs on TV, my ancestors roll over in their graves and weep tears of pure espresso. |
@Mike_FTW And you can also replace it with a camera from *my* camera store. My prices beat @hotdogsladies *and* @chockenberry. |
@Mike_FTW DEAR AMAZON: MY CAMERA ARRIVED ALL SMASHED UP PLZ REPLACE KTHX |
Dear LazyTwitter: is there such a thing as an 8-port gigabit router (not switch) that comes *without* wireless? If so, I sure can't find it. |
Every time God closes a door, she opens a window. Mostly to let out all the bong smoke. |
@califmom If it's got fruit or a vegetable in it = acceptable at breakfast. Throw a lime wedge in your Jack & Coke and you're golden. |
@Moltz Isn't that how you got thrown out of parochial school in '82...? That's what The Smoking Gun says, anyway. |
@urbanape Why can't you just eat cold pizza like the rest of us? Snob. |
