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@cleversimon Y'all aren't going to have a little... "@cleverartist" are you? |
Question: "What do you want for Christmas?"
What she said: "A So-Chic Styling Salon!"
What I heard: "Feminist children's books!" |
@secretsquirrel Flickr or it didn't happen. |
Huh. Nowhere on my to-do list does it say "compulsively refresh Twitter." |
Dear Republicans: If you don't care to save auto workers' jobs, won't you consider their impact on the gun rack & TruckNutz® industries? |
It's *possible* that I woke up on the "bitch" side of the bed today. |
"People are unfollowing me/ nobody's giving me enough @favrd votes/ whine/ whinge/ waaaah..." Sweet sparkly Jesus, shut the fucking fuck up. |
@ThunderDolt Yes dear. Analogies to barbecue are *obviously* the way to get into this vegetarian's pants. (Oh, who am I kidding? Eat me.) |
Packing for trip, purpose of which is dogsitting for BFF's 3 mutts plus 3 moose-sized wolfhounds. 1st item in bag: Klonopin. For me. Mostly. |
@ThunderDolt What are you saying about me, asshole? |
@sharpeorama See @shortyawards. Also, http://twitter.com/hotdogsl... |
Guys? If you're actually trying to get a Shorty award? I'm going to assume something about your penis. |
Just remembered I'm supposed to be on a train to NC tomorrow. Tickets bought before party at his parents' was planned. What? They were, too! |
Tormenting myself over the grammar of earlier tweet in which I'd addressed another source of self-torment. It's fun to be me! |
Amazon has no recommendations for "relatives you don't speak to, but to whom you send gifts since if you didn't the anxiety would be worse." |
Thanks @eyeteegee for being my 1000th follower! Though you're not the best candidate for the lesbian sex joke I'd planned (hint: "4 digits") |
Vortex of Parenting Hell: Yelling at teenager for her yelling an accusation that you'd been yelling at her when you weren't (until you did). |
@frageelay I love how you think. |
@ajinnashville Actually, I was thinking "beyotch," but went with "bitch" to avoid exceeding 140 characters. Oh the compromises we must make. |
"Sorry, but you don't act like someone who'd be on medical assistance."
"Would you prefer I said 'give my daughter her antibiotics, bitch?'" |
