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Headline: "Obama: Economy to Get Worse Before It Improves" Then he introduced his new catchphrase, "Yes We Can Eat Ramen." |
Headline: "'Death to Bourbons' Cry Raises Uproar In Spain" Makers Mark, Old Crow, & Knob Creek sneak out of Spain under cover of darkness. |
Headline: "Rich Men Cut Gifts to Mistresses During Recession" But sharing your love is in itself a gift, no? Oops, wife kicking me to dea- |
Headline: "Army Asked to Review 2 Troop Deaths" The Army wipes it's brow in relief, and says, "Only two?" |
Headline: "U.S. Wants ‘No Surprises’ in North Korea Verification" But they remain "Optimistic" that N. Korea won't be "A Wolf at the Door."... |
Headline: "The Bratz Gang Gets Revenge on Barbie" Related: Skipper enters convent. |
Headline: "The Bratz gang Gets Revenge on Barbie" So ended Larry Flynt's guest publisher stint at 'Highlights' magazine. |
Headline: "The Bratz Gang Gets Revenge on Barbie" THAT'S why Ken came home covered in sparkles, smelling like "Apple Fantasy" body spray. |
Headline: "Archaeologists Find World’s Oldest Pot Stash" Soon to be a major motion picture: "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Dube." |
Headline: "Sunny von Bulow Dead After 28 Years in Coma" Poor Sunny. She was the "Chinese Democracy" of homicide victims. |
Headline: "Sci-fi's No. 1 Fanboy, Forrest J Ackerman, Dies" Services will be held in his mom's basement. Cheetos and Mountain Dew to follow. |
Headline: "Amsterdam to Close Many Brothels, Marijuana Cafes" Along those same lines, the country will now be known as "Amsterdarn." |
Headline: "Did Coldplay rip off Joe Satriani?" Is it possible to root against both sides? |
Headline: "Obama Political Mentor Interested in Senate Seat" Or, as the headline read on Craigslist: "OPM4SS." |
Headline: "OJ Simpson Sentenced to Lengthy Prison Term" Will write new book, "If I Did It, But Then Did Something Else and Got Caught." |
The P-Friday WINNAH is @divine_pk with, "Upon hearing this news, John Hodgman so excited he drops the ipod right out of his hands" Congrats! |
PUNCHLINE FRIDAY HEADLINE: "Obama Claims to be Mac, but Spotted With Zune" Hit me with a punchline by 6pm PST! AWESOME PRIZES! DO IT! |
Headline: "Man Assaulted Woman With Cheeseburger" The judge said he can has jail time, so he can has time to consider what he can has done. |
Headline: "Magician Faces Charges in Secretly Taping Mom, Daughters" So it turns out that it was not, in fact, a magic wand in his pocket. |
Headline: "Wheelchair Thief Stilll at Large in LA" The suspect is considered armed and not legged and dangerous. |
