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My guess is Mary got wasted at the Holiday work party, did it with Bob in accounting & lied to Joseph about the immaculate conception thing. |
There's a fine line between big, hairy men wearing spandex & professional wrestlers. When you find that line, smash it with a folding chair. |
Will someone take Bing Crosby some figgy pudding, so he'll shut up about it already? |
People who email 10MB ppt attachments should be locked in a cage and reduced to communicating with Chimpanzees using a broken Etch A Sketch. |
They say imitation is the best form of flattery.
I say stalking the person with a super telephoto lens from a distance works much better. |
Bettie Page chose not to be buried, but bound and gagged in a web of ropes. Ceremony to be recorded in black-and-white 8mm "specialty" film. |
Odds are, If I say I want to have sex while eating your dessert, it's probably really fucking good.
Literally.
And that *is* a euphemism. |
@shortyawards I nominate @capnsmackers for a Shorty Award in the #business category because of his three-step strategy formulation process. |
If you're still looking for that perfect gift for your mother-in-law, I suggest the MANGROOMER Do-It-Yourself Electric Back Hair Shaver. |
@shortyawards I nominate @Moltz for a Shorty Award in the #is_doing_it_wrong category because of his energetic "Is Doing It Wrong" attitude. |
@clapifyoulikeme Business for fighting superheroes in spandex is tight AS USALLY. |
Now hiring motivated supervillains for world domination!
Qualifications:
Tight spandex.
Calibrating death rays.
Telekinesis a plus. |
@gordonshumway You will find comfort in this: http://bit.ly/white_trash_c... |
A new version of iTunes (8.0.2) is available.
Would you like to be reminded after every song?
✔ I know I have no say in the matter. |
For Christmas this year, my wife and I will be sponsoring any child who receives the "Best of Hilary Duff" album. |
I called in metrosexual and just took a ½ day.
Now, who wants to go to Banana Republic with me? |
To show his support for the national hair-roots effort, Blagojevich "called in toupée" today. |
@jimray This prototype of a velociraptor voice box won't save your harddrive, but it will make a good whistle when you don't have any music. |
You know who else is on the naughty list? Hitler. |
I'm not very good at "turning the ladies on" and judging by my wife's facial expression, humping her leg doesn't work very well either. |
